It takes time

I spent yesterday from about 10-4 in the art building with all the other art nerds, some of who teach there, some of who graduated from there and some who were just like me and still learning. It was the second annual big art day and it was very informative. While I went to the whole thing because a friend from my printmaking class said she would meet me there, I was pleasantly surprised that I didn't really have any desire to fall asleep during the talks. There were 5 Kutztown graduates there and they spoke of their careers from learning at school to what they are up to now. There's this thinking in the art world that in going through school you will become successful. But the truth of the matter is that success is different for everyone and when choosing to become an artist there is one word you must embody that they continuously mentioned....Determination. I realize that my future will probably not contain one steady income and I will bounce around from job to job but I also realized as they said that if it's truly what you were meant to do...There is no option. It's the passion for their art that keeps these people going. Even if you go what I had previously thought to be the steady route and attend graduate school and become a teacher....establishing yourself in the teaching world can be a whole different battle. I'm thankful that I never had a narrow view of what I wanted to do after undergrad but at the same time that was freaking daunting. My future seems to hold somewhere around 3 jobs. One for some kind of income, one that could further get me an in to someplace in the art world and one that is my own work on the side because I know that is something that I couldn't give up. The one woman would talk about all these obstacles and simply say "then you just do it, you get it done because you have to". It also looks like a big city may be in my future at some point. They all seemed to be advocates of study abroad too. So next Tuesday my friend Liana and I are off to the international studies office to research study in Italy for next fall!!!

On another note....

It seems I've been being a bitch lately. Not only has my sister pointed this out but one of my roommates looked at me like "well yeah" and the other said "yeah Ali you kinda have been" it seems I don't listen to what anyone else has to say and only call my family to bitch or rejoice about my life.....This may appear to be cynical because it is. I feel like yeah maybe I did call my mother a few times and obsess on myself but I also listened to how she feels she needs to take more time for herself and smile through her liver. I wished I wouldn't have heard that people felt I was doing this through the means that I did. I have to say I'm quite angry. I know I lately have been so busy that it has been just about my life for me. And maybe that's because I just am tired of listening. There is always one whine or story after another lately and sometimes I'm just worn out. And as for this not being used to me being all about myself....get the fuck over yourself. It's always been about you. In the past you rarely shared your life with me I didn't even know who the fuck you were and now I'm supposed to just be so invested because you are around. I'm still trying to figure you out because you can turn on my like I haven't loved you longer than anyone you know and rip me apart like you don't care about my feelings. Then a few minutes later act like it didn't happen. I don't understand that kind of hate. You don't have to always be on the defensive. I called you to apologize for my actions and you proceeded to further tell what a horrible person "you" think I am. I'm sorry but who are you to be telling me this. One day hopefully it will all be different and the competition you put between us will be gone. I've been trying to tell you this for years....we are no better or worse than one another we are only different and yet the same at the core.