Just a thought

As my week at the beach comes to a conclusion I walked along the shore today to reflect a little. I've been feeling kinda unstable lately and I was definitely in need of this time here. 30 people I I'm related to somehow, constant food, a huge house, beach, a pool, a hot tub and some great conversation and laughs with cousin Debbie. What more to ask for.

Yesterday I was out by the ocean reading this Anne Lamott book I occasionally pick up called, Grace Eventually: Thoughts on Faith. It's full of short stories from her life experiences. The story I read the other day was all too appropriate for the week. It was about women and their bodies. She talked of how it took her until she was 40 to appreciate the body she had at 20. She talked about how as you get older you wear more to cover yourself up at the beach and rarely is it found that an older woman can walk confidently in her bikini. She recalled a woman on a beach that should be an inspiration to all. She was a larger woman who seemed unaware of that she was wearing a bikini. The confidence she exuded in her own skin made all those around her envious of that feeling.

In walking along the beach today I thought of the conversation I had with my buddy Jackie about how different our bodies were when we carelessly ran for hours in soccer games...sometimes there were up to 6 games a weekend. We talked about how we never thought of ourselves as skinny. Then after losing the muscle from no longer using them made it seem remarkable when we look back on those high school photos and we were those skinny or at least fit girls. So unlike Anne it only took us 3 years to realize what we had.

As I walked further down the beach...in my bikini might I add... I thought about how I didn't feel uncomfortable. My mom commented on how a young girl running out of the water looked me up and down. I joked that she must have realized she didn't have to be stick skinny to be happy. I walked with all the confidence I usually don't portray with my fire starting thighs, my thick legs, my flabby belly, and arms. And I thought about how no matter how many times I've casually said I would rather my body wasn't the way it is, I'm probably not going to do anything drastic enough to change it. Which ultimately, to me, means I am happy with the way I am and maybe one day I will be like that older woman strutting her stuff in the bikini.