Remember when we still believed in fairytales

I woke up this morning to the sun glaring through my window. I rolled over and my vision focused on the hands of my clock. It was 9:45. Since I moved here I haven't been able to sleep in later than that. I sat straight up, grabbed the remote, and flicked Dawson's Creek on the TV. It is my morning ritual to get intact with the teenage joys and struggles of the kids from the creek. I wandered through the kitchen and made myself a healthy breakfast....soy yogurt and granola and contemplated my a morning run.
Hours later I was still wandering around my one room apartment, occasionally stopping at the fridge, computer, or dialing a number of anyone who might distract me for some time. The thought of a run still wandered through my mind as I realized I had things to do. It was already 12, not too late for a run and a shower before my errands but I was looking for anything to justify my laziness.
30 minutes later I was dressed and walking through the doors of the Fashion Valley Nordstrom...or at least did for 4 days a couple weeks before. I got in the elevator and pushed
the button for the 3rd floor. I had been calling the human resources department frequently in the last few days looking for some hours and I figured it was time to pay them a visit. Plus I had a paycheck I wanted to pick up. They sent me out to customer services for the paycheck and downstairs to Colleen Kresky the woman who had hired me to discuss my schedule.
After numerous phone calls the woman at customer services handed me my paycheck and said have a nice day. I made my way down the escalator to meet with Colleen. There's something so peaceful about riding an escalator at a Nordstrom. The piano music hanging in the air and the quite bustle of the customers and at the same time an unusual stillness. I never touch the railing on those nasty things though due to the fact that they carry far too many germs. I've never been a germaphobe but this just gets me every time.
Colleen popped out of the dressing room with her smile as wide as her face in her 3 piece peach suit that almost smelled of the fruit. We went over the basics and she told me I could begin working for her on the 3rd at 9:30...exactly a week from today. I was beyond relieved. Just to know that I had a date set. She reassured me she'd give me full tour of the store and then later a schedule would be established.
Gwen gave me a call and told me we should arrange for a beach date later when she was done with errands. I called my mom and vented about my day and discussed everything we could thing of.
A few hours later I pulled into the parking lot of LaJolla shores beach. I met up with Gwen and we wandered down the beach, picked out a spot and spread out our towels. We talked about everything and even walked through some waves. Maybe next time we'll actually go for a swim.
On the ride home I did some thinking. I have no radio since it was stolen before the car was lent to me but it allowed for some quality time for belting out whatever came to mind first or just some thinking. I couldn't believe how calm I've felt since I've been here. It feels real and that seems strange. Not that I haven't been real in the last two years at Kutztown but just that something got lost. Too much time is spent focusing on whats going on with everyone else in our small little complex of friends. I made a promise to myself to focus on the positive. I've always been a positive person, I got it from my crazy mother and her crazy mother but it sure does make life more enjoyable when you are positive. Earlier in the day my mother had asked me if I was thinking about moving back here eventually and the first word that came to mind was "yes". As I've said before we'll see where life takes me but I can tell you this for sure now....it will not be Pennsylvania. Not that I haven't enjoyed time there but my heart lies in the west coast and everyone knows....a girl can't live without her heart.

Bainbridge and all it's beauty

Dad and me at the sculpture park in Seattle.

Linny on the stairs down to our old beach.

Me Jenny and Gwen at Brooke's beach just down the street from my old house. Oh how I love that view.

Phoenix girls reunion. Nicole, Erin, Gwen, Me, Meagan, Kim, Jackie, Jenny, Meaghan, and Kaile. So much fun to catch up with all of them!!!!

Overall the trip was wonderful I caught up with all the soccer girls and talked about the rest of the soccer girls and what everyone was up to. I ran into quite a few people I hadn't seen since graduation. My sister graduated and we actually got along the entire trip although I wasn't around her much. I miss northwest people....there is just something special about them that I have not been able to find any where else. Plus there is nothing better than a sunny summer day on the island...and I got a few of them!
Until we meet again.

My wish for you is that this life becomes all that you want it too

Today is a good day.
Tomorrow is an even better day.
The sun is out, I'm almost packed and everything is clean. In a few I'm going to Phil's BBQ with 'the grandparents I've never had'. I have been spending a lot of time with them and believe me although things get done a little slower it has been quite entertaining.
Tomorrow I get to see old friends and my sissy who I talked to today. I am beyond excited to see them and for her life to begin....she's finally growing up and I am so proud of her!
Oh how I love to west coast and it only seems to get better.
OK I'm gonna go pick some oranges off the tree outside my window :)

Hanging out with the Grandparents

Here's grandma and me with our finished masterpiece. Snickerdoodles! So many memories surrounding those cookies but none previously with grandma.
So since I've been off work the past couple of days and I have no idea when I will again be needed I have been trying to occupy my time. Quality time with my gma and Ned! I walked at the bay and to the pier with grandma. We shopped for linny's graduation present. We went out to Mexican food and tai food. It's been fun...they have fun stories and I get a little talking in there too.
I just have to say though that when one of my best friends called me today it pretty much made my day. I had not talked to Jenny in over 3 months I think. It's been far too long! So I can't wait to see you J and congrats on making it in to your program...although I had no doubt you would.
Much love to all.
I cannot wait until I am in Washington!!!

Tomorrow it all begins

Sometimes I hate realizations. When you know what you have realized is the truth and you do not want to put that truth into an action within your reality because it is hard and will probably cause you some emotional pain. In realizing these things you may have to make a major life change. Change is something I am very familiar with and believe it to be ultimately a good thing just as the Buddhist's believe in impermanence I follow that thought in that growth of the spirit is necessary. I do not want to remain the same although I believe some stability is necessary in my life for sanity purposes. Learning and establishing a curiosity for the world is important to me. My realization is to remain untold as it is my personal realization and tears at a piece of me. Growth in this case will prosper over comfort although it is so nice to have comfort in life.

Now that we have had a little dose of Ali wisdom for the day :) here are some pics from the boat last Saturday before the boys left.

Linny you are in my thoughts. Good luck with everything and we will see you soon. Mom and dad I miss you more than anything but I know I am in the right place.
Love.

You might bend till you break......then you stand

The ups and downs of living on your own are extreme. One second I am thinking to myself "can i really do this" and the next I am getting ready for my day singing along to CMT, planning my day in my head. The thing I need to remember is that if I were in Pennsylvania I would not be happy. I do not mean that in a degrading way to the state of Pennsylvania as some people seem to think I do. I have nothing against the state and I have a life there during the school year but I know in my heart it is not the place I want to be in the long run. I am a west coast girl at heart I know that for sure.
I think I miss you more than you miss me....but I am not sure if I miss you for the right reasons and that kinda freaks me out. I cannot let go of you because I am fighting change. I have this theory about change. We all hate it. We are creatures of habit. But I believe it's only those who embrace that change and continue to grow that prosper in this life. I am learning that for myself in order to fully embrace that change and begin to grow I have to establish small amounts of habits so my entire world is not change. There have to be some constants. With that said and my first day of job training completed I am going to finish my training in the next couple of days and begin a journey. Where it will take me I have no idea but that is what life is about. I realize I am so blessed in so many ways especially just to have this opportunity so if I do not embrace it I will whole-heartedly regret it.
Guess it is about time I grew up.
peace and love to all :)

The life of a loner

It is now the fifth day of my independence in California. Day's have been long and slow. Not that I haven't had some fun times but it's been difficult to be alone.
I start training tomorrow so things should start picking up but as of tonight I have no car so I have to work that out. My entertainment for the last few days includes, babysitting Ryan, seeing pirates with Gwen, hanging out on the boat with Brad, finishing the book I was reading, and chatting with Gwen about life. I highly recommend the book I just finished. My mom passed it on to me. It's called The Glass Castle by Jeannette Walls. It's a memoir about her life and her absolutely crazy family.

Driving back from my Grandma's I started thinking.....I was only home for a few days before I moved here and you know what I miss about home (besides my parents and pups)? Home cooked meals! So here's what I propose to you readers....what is you favorite meal your mommy makes? leave a comment and let me know. My favorite is chicken tortilla soup...mmmmmm mmmm.
Alright so leave your fav's as a comment for fun.

Enjoy your memorial day everyone. I'll be spending mine watch the That 70s Show marathon and eating all day. :)

Sunshine

Think of your life as a good book. Sometimes there are twists and turns you didn't see coming, but when you think about it, you realize they were pretty much inevitable. All your hard work has prepared you for this.

What a horoscope. Today is my first full day alone in this state. I drove the Reedhead's to the airport at 7am this morning. Which means I now have a car until Monday night! I came back and slept a little more and then got ready for the day. I am watching my grandma's dog so I took the little old red BMW for a spin to let Sadie out. On my way their I got a call from my cousin seeing if I would take care of his kid for a few hours at 11. So I spent a good hour with the dog and then made my way up the hill to Adam's house. I sat around and watched TV for a couple hours while Ryan just slept and slept. Finally as I go in to check on him around 1 he was sitting up in bed. I heard the front door open and shut and in walks Adam. We sat around and chatted while Ryan laughed and ate and told me stories only a baby could understand. So I'm back here for awhile errands, maybe a movie later...we'll see. Tomorrow babysitting with my aunt Holly on the boat.
I now officially am employed....I have till Tuesday to do whatever I want. Thanks for all your help mom.
The only thing that would make all this even better is a little sunshine.
I'll write again soon
love

I guess if you don't jump you'll never know if you can fly

I'm here! My mom left today and I cleaned up my apartment and finally got everything out of my suitcases. I need a down day. Since we got here I feel like I haven't had time to rest. I'm beyond excited to be here but this is only the beginning and this is when it gets a little hard.....I'm on my own! So things are still up in the air with everything but I am way more at home than in Pennsylvania.
Here are some pics of where I'm living.

Chairs in the corner of the room, a little sitting area.
table by the window with my comp.

Here's my cute little kitchen.

My big bed! and Little closet that all my clothes fit in surprisingly.

Bathroom.

And of course the gorgeous view from my window!!!
So here goes nothing...wish me luck!

I'm nothing but Smiles

It is wonderful to be back in a place that feels so much like home. My mother would tell you 'I'm back with my people'. Today we met up with all the cousins and babies and relatives they make me laugh so hard it hurts every time I see them. The babies are adorable and each have such different personalities. I potentially have a job at Nordstrom.....lol following in the family footsteps tehee. We'll see how that goes. So good to be here but I'm still adjusting to the time and I'm so tired......I think its time for a nap.
Miss and love you all that read this! :)

living one moment at a time

Last Friday was my last final and I turned in my 7 page paper to the nutso proff and walked back to my car a Junior in college. How time flies.
Since then I've been to 4 other states besides PA and I'm about to make that 5. Stacey and I packed our bags and drove 6 hours to Boston. What a long drive. When we finally got there it was a little underwhelming but the room turned out to be nice. We walked a couple blocks to the subway and spent a few hours in Harvard Square. What a difference in the atmosphere. Hard to explaining but it was very cool. The next day we wandered around Boston. We went pretty much everywhere by 4 and we decided to head back to Harvard for some more wandering and dinner. My feet have never hurt so much in my life. I'll post pics later.
We made it back to Kutztown yesterday around 4 and I must say it is good to be back.

Now I'm home and I must get to the packing before I move to SD for the summer.
So much to do, so much on my mind. Mom and I made our way to Target today and I distracted myself with some shopping, Cd's, clothes, presents, and books. It was a good time. And I'm so excited for friday.

But you are always on my mind.

all good things have to come to an end

As this year winds down I realize how good it was. Minus a lot of drama I've become a lot closer with a lot of people. All I have left to finish is a 6 pager for International Cinema, which involves the watching of a few scenes from fabulous movies....can't complain too badly.
There are so many things I will miss about Pennsylvania as odd as that is to say but I am so ready for a break from this place. It is not ME in the slightest and I need to go back and find me in the west. I am beyond excited. This is going to be one of the most adventurous things I've ever done and even though my cousins, aunt and grandma will be close by I am living alone and it's scary. It will be difficult to leave here though, I will cry and I'm usually very good with goodbyes but I know things will be different when I get back. Hopefully in a good way. So since I probably won't write for a few days I just want everyone to know I hope they enjoy their summer's and I'll meet ya back here in this box of a town for most of you peoples last year. EXCITING!
Love the one's your with!

Last Day of Classes

I'm officially done with my last class of my sophomore year of college....crazy how time flies.

All I have left to do before Boston and San Diego is:
religious studies final
American art history final
photography written final
a painting
a 6 pager for international cinema

haha yeah still got a bit left to do but today it's all about ice cream and sunshine!!!

Happy May Day

I'm having a real problem today with being on this coast. I'm frustrated with things that cannot be resolved and I'm ready for 18 days from now. This is how ready I am to leave....I just woke up from a nap where a dreamt I was in the car trying to meet my family for dinner in California but all I wanted to do was stop for some real Mexican food before the Mexican food I was eating for dinner....oh man. Anyways I'll be there soon. Now is just the stress I have to get to before I am rewarded.
It's one of my best friends 20th birthday's today and I'm reminiscing about the northwest and it's not helping my sitch. Anyways Jenny here's to all the good times we've had in the past and many more to come. I hope school isn't stressing you out too badly and you are able to celebrate this lovely first day of May. You are in my thoughts and I miss you!
My parents happily made their way to Italy and my mom called me when yesterday and she thinks I would love it there....of course how could I not. Well parents I hope you enjoy the fabulous view and see George clooney when you go to the bar around the corner from his house. I'll be taking care of the dogs this weekend...no worries.
Time for some more paper writing.
<3

Sanibel Island

Because of the mass amounts of chaos in my life the past couple weeks I haven't been able to load any pictures from my family trip to Florida. So here they are. It was gorgeous and it sure beats a hell of a long plane ride to Hawaii although Hawaii will always be a perfect 10 to me I'd give this place an 8. Refreshing break for some water.....I can't even wait till I'm close to a beach again.

View down the beach from the inn we were staying at.

After the kayak adventure.

Parents and sis after the kayak adventure.

Dad and sister floating along.

My sister is a different ethnicity than me.

Attempting enjoy some interesting food after an extremely long wait.

The parents and their accidental matchingness.

And of course me being....well me.
Anyways I'm glad we got to enjoy that adventure as a family because I fear we don't have many left. I'm super excited my computed chord is now here and I'm back online....wow sad that a few days without a computer is so painful but I guess that's just how it is now a days.
My hair is now shorter and much more red than black. And I'm sorry about all those depressing posts before...I know some of you were worried and contacted me to make sure I wasn't harming myself in anyway but things have been worked out and we are both happy together until the end of the semester and then we'll see how it goes. Lots of things to get done before the end of the semester but trying to leave room for fun but first I have to get rid of this cold. I'm off to study for a religious studies test and then take a lovely hot shower. Smiles to all.

Inspiring

What a day so far.
A bomb threat. The campus is covered in maroon and orange t-shirts for Virginia Tech. There were lots of people out to support walk for life and shave to save. It's inspiring to know that our college has some impact on the world and that I participated in something that does as well. The sun is finally shining and it's putting me in the best mood.
Peace and love to all :)

Learn to Be Still

I can't get you out of my head.
Even if I'm happy most of the time and doing other things you are constantly on my mind.
All I want to do is talk to you but I'm sure it would only make this harder.
I saw you today and we exchanged smiles and waves and it was good.
I feel like I've lost one of my really good friends though and it still hurts a little. Every time I see you for awhile I won't be able to think of you in any other way besides how I've thought of you for the last 6 months. It's hard to fall asleep and once I do it's restless. Sometimes I feel like we are making this harder on ourselves than it needs to be but I think right now we either have to be together or not be in contact and that's really hard for me to come to terms with. All I wanted to do when I saw you was ask how you were and just sit and talk with you. It's a frustrating situation but it is what it is.
On the other coast my sister is causing my mother frustration again. Lin I love you. Make the decision not just for you but for mom too. I hate to see all of you in pain. Give it some time and some thought and realize you have the world at your feet and as hard as it is don't go just by what your heart is saying.
AHHHHH lately that's how I feel.
Walk for life, sushi and who knows what other fun things.

I'm in Repair

Today is a much better day.
I kept myself busy all morning and vented to some people who are rather good listeners. Not surprisingly it helps a lot for me to talk about it. When I'm alone I get sad. But I have to remember it is the best decision. I was not right for you and you were not right for me and I've known that for awhile now but it didn't make it any easier to let you go. I wish it was summer so I could leave this town and all the memories I have in this room. That's when it hurts the most when I'm in this room. Today I haven't cried...I've only come close a couple times but it's a major improvement from the water works I had going on yesterday. If you are reading this thank you for sharing so many of my firsts with me and treating me with respect. I hope we can eventually get to that friend place but I don't think it's gonna happen for me for a while.
Alright so this is where I let you go.
This is where I stop thinking about the memories and I spend as little time in my room as possible and I dig into that school work that just sits in a pile. It was fun while it lasted one day I'll be able to look back and smile.
For now I need to forget......
cuz I'm in repair

I've seen better days

The weather matches my mood today.
It's been raining all day and I've been crying a lot.
I'm hurt but I know it's for the best. We had good times. It was a great learning experience and I don't regret it in the slightest. The friend thing will happen but not for awhile.
I'm digging myself into work because I have too much to do to sulk.
I know this is right and the best thing but it doesn't make it hurt any less.

Thank god for my friends. I don't know what I would do with out you.

I'm not gonna lie I'm gonna miss what we had.

Here's to the next chapter of my life. Embracing the challenges and appreciating what I have in life.

Inbetween here and there

Isn't it funny how we need the approval of others.....don't kid yourself people you know you do. As much as you'd like to think your opinion is the only one that matters it is only to an extent. With out some kind of positive encouragement would we have the motivation and the confidence to continue on?
I tried to tell myself I didn't care what my painting professor thought but every time he stepped up to my paintings in this semester....with that sigh and announcement "OK".... he then would take over my painting and fix the most horrendous parts and lecture me on how this relates to being a photographer. Well today he did that his usual couple times and then..... I took control of my painting. The next time he walked by he said 'don't touch that part'. I was shocked I said 'oh my god I finally did something right' and he laughed and walked away.
Now it's not that I wouldn't have been content with my painting if he hadn't felt it was good too but it definitely put a smile on my face and a little confidence behind my brush.
It's the same kind of thing with compliments. When someone out of no where compliments you on something it's just that feeling of satisfaction that something about you is right. If that makes sense.
My motivation to get things done this week has been next to none and for that I am going to pay in these next few weeks. Gotta finish my photo project tomorrow and this weekend. It's sad that there's not much enthusiasm behind that but it's becoming more comfortable.
It's almost time for Grey's....yes sadly my world does somewhat revolve around TV. (btw Lost was awesome last night)
Take care all you friends in all corners of the country :)