California here I come

Since I leave tomorrow for the loverly west coast! I figured it was time for a blog.
I've been working 8:30-5ish all week and I'm exhausted. It's been fun though. Who could ask for a more fun person to work with. I laugh hysterically all day long. It's cool to have someone just get you. We had a department lunch today (Mexican food...or so the Pa people think) it was one big laugh fest though. Which I have to say was very surprising. It was a nice end to a hard worked week.
I can't even wait to get there. I miss the family and the warmth. The snow has not left the ground here for weeks and just when you think it's gone you get a few more flurries. Hopefully the forecast is right and that rain washes it away for everyone this weekend.
A fun week lies ahead and I'm looking forward to every minute.
Happy holidays to my few loyal readers and thanks for reading :)
PS you are always on my mind

Don't Ask Don't Tell

Don't Ask Don't Tell ~ click this it's interesting

I happened to catch this segment on 60 Minutes today about the military's don't ask don't tell policy regarding gay people. It's always amazing to me to realize how judgmental and close minded some people are. Lesley Stal asked a few questions to Army Major Daniel Davis, his view is that military troops are generally conservative and allowing gays to serve openly would offend them and jeopardize battle effectiveness...

"What do you think would happen if a unit with a gay person went out into a combat situation?" Stahl asks.

"In my view, men are going to die, units are going to fail that would otherwise not fail, that would otherwise not die," Davis says.

"Didn't they say exactly the same thing about blacks?" Stahl asks.

Absurd. Since moving to Pennsylvania I've been exposed to a lot more judgmental and people stuck in their ways. I've met many people who say they aren't racist and yet talk about black people in such negative ways. At a party it's common for me to here someone drop the 'n' word. I can't imagine having such hostility toward someone. A couple people have gone as far to tell me 'well that's just how I was raised' and I've definitely heard..'well you just wouldn't understand you aren't from around here'. Which only makes me more open minded and less likely to judge someone by their skin. Although I grew up in a less diverse area than many of these people, I spent a summer working with a quite diverse group and in having lived in numerous areas I've met diverse people and that's what makes life interesting. I get that some of them say it's a certain type of african american that irks them but there's also a certain type of white person that fits into similar categories. But that's just it. You are putting someone in a category that you may have no idea if they fit in. People are diverse and that's the beauty that keeps me going in life. Differences are what make things interesting. Just the fact that we can never stop learning and growing is an intriguing aspect that gets me thinking for days.
And for that matter who would want to stop.
So for this holiday season i wish for everyone reading this to keep growing and learning and eat lots of food :)

Time on my Hands....

....or so I'd like to think.
Finals are over! It's a glorious feeling. Steph and I celebrated last night by cleaning the living room/kitchen area, lighting some candles, cuddling on the couch watching movies and sipping on hot chocolate. Later in the night we decided it was a good idea to turn on some Paramore and Fall Out Boy and tear apart our closets for a photo shoot. We were out of control and I loved it. The night ended with mac and cheese and a game of mario party that Denis and Tim joined in on.

Now I'm free. Well sort of. The fall sports for the yearbook are not finished....oops I gotta get on that. Christmas shopping is another thing on my list I have to make time for. And weather permitting I'm working full time this next week and I gotta admit I'm excited. A week from today I am on a plane to one of my favorite destinations and home away from home....San Diego. We are spending the holidays there with the family. I'll be staying with my sister and my two cousins in their new apartment. Too fun, I can't wait.

Today seems too daunting to get myself going. I want to clean this whole house because it's disgusting and Steph and I didn't do anything to help that. But before I get to that...Breakfast.
Happy winter break!

Thinking

I am so aware of my mortality.
More so than I think others are and I've always been this way.
Never when I was growing up did I have that invincible complex. Around the age of 10 I would get night terrors because I couldn't let go of the fact that one day my parents are going to die. Still if I think to hard about it I freak myself out. Then the only solution is mass amounts of superficial things to distract me from this odd place I have reached.

A friend that I never got to know all that well just had his father pass away. Some of my other friends are at the viewing right now. It got me thinking about how lucky I am that I have never had to experience a viewing. I cannot even fathom how torn apart I would be by the sight of a dead body. Regardless, his family is in my thoughts right now as well as in many others.

It's weird that sometimes things like this make you realize how much you care about certain people in your life.
Peace and Love.

Crazy Dreams

Tannah informed me it was time to write a new blog. The truth of the matter is I haven't been writing not only because I am busy but because I don't have anything but narrative on my life to tell you. I need to get back to the pondering about life or the photo posts I've done before. Maybe in a few weeks after finals I can delve back into that.

But I can tell you this....I don't watch or read the news enough. I know I've posted about this before but it's sad that somewhere along the way that never became part of a daily routine. It's always been difficult for me to sit and watch the news because either it's fluff or devastating. The murder stories are too much for me to handle. So somewhere along the way I got the NYTimes sent to my email every morning......on a good day I read the headings and the short description telling my what to look forward to if I choose to click the link. Needless to say, I rarely click the link.

Ok back to reality. Work to get done today.
Maybe tomorrow I'll click those links.

This was the quickest weekend I think I've had since I used to play soccer 6 days a week. Which I miss dreadfully by the way. It seems like just yesterday I was in photo class making an enormous print of a cornfield picture I took. But nope that was Thursday. I like being busy and having things to do but I have to remember to enjoy this while it lasts. Although today was just slower than ever I got things done but it's been a struggle to stay entertained. I assume the next few weeks are going to be very hectic though so I might as well enjoy the down time. It's only 7 and I've still got my eye on an apple blossom in the freezer...mmm mmm. Love um.

I absolutely love my job. The atmosphere is incredibly my style. Katie is so relaxed and we have such similar ways about us and out looks on life. It's incredible when you click with people like that. I haven't found a person on the east coast that I've connected with in this way yet. With maybe the exception of my friend Liana in printmaking who I'm most likely going to ROME! with next Fall if everything works out as planed. Anyways it makes me miss the west coast though. But I love so many things about it here too. I can't believe I only have one full week of school then thanksgiving week then a couple more weeks of classes and then a week of finals. It's truly mind boggling. I'm looking forward to the holidays but I can't even devote a moments thought to early xmas shopping because it's all about getting my school work done now and enjoying my time with friends I only have a few months left with.

Kal Ho Naa Ho <3

We did our best.

Last night was Halloween and all the cool kids got to dress up and head off to the bar.

Tannah and I did our best to have fun....after they left, since we just moped while they were here getting ready.....

Since I'm a baby when it comes to scary things we found Zodiac on PPV and had a grand old time. It was intense and long so we were easily distracted from the fun all of our roommates and friends were having at the bar. Then I slept....and had dreams about people chasing me and killers on the loose. I guess my subconscious was feeling the holiday spirit.

It's amazing how quickly the stores push Christmas on you. Steph and I went to the dollar store yesterday to see is she could find some antennas for her costume and the Halloween section was gone and it was taken over by red and green. It's nuts! No wonder by the time Christmas actually rolls around everyone's sick of it. I'm gonna do my best to ignore it until December when I will bust out the traditional Mariah Carey Christmas and Nsync Christmas as well....I can't resist it's too fun. Oh yeah and maybe a little Celine Dion for old times sake. Oh how I love to just sit with a cup of hot chocolate and belt out the sounds of the season... :)

Today I get to work in 2 different art mediums, yay. Printmaking and photography. Should be interesting. Tomorrow I finally start work and I'm super excited. Everything is looking up, but I probably shouldn't speak too soon because well we all know what happens when you do.

A lovely Halloween weekend to all.

The Sun is Up the Sky is Blue it's Beautiful and so are You...Look Around

After talking to my mom today I decided it's time to write a happier blog. But the truth of the matter is I am in fact happier by far than I was when writing these recent blogs. A weight has lifted and things that were bothering me recently seem far less serious. Maybe I just have a fresh outlook. Perhaps it's because of the wonderful cinematic adventure I had yesterday.
Across the Universe!!!
It was glorious. The singing. The gorgeous British actor. Definately a must see for Beatles lovers as well as any one who loves cinematography as much as I do. So colorful! As a matter of fact Tannah and I are listening to the soundtrack now.

I finally officially start work on Friday! Can't wait. Other than that my days are busy in a good way. Not overwhelmingly just very scheduled with a little room for spontaneity. Which is just the way I like.

Here's to making this a better week.

Love to all!

I can't sleep......

because you keep getting my hopes up that I'll see you and then you never follow through.

It makes me sad.


I don't know how much more of this I can take.

just breathe

Working on calming down and chilling out....getting stressed over life too easily.
Nothing I can do but keep trucking.
oh yeah and once again
breathe

On a Lighter Note

I'm recovering from these horrible last three days I've had.
I'm making amends with those of hurt and trying to live my life lighter. Sometimes it's too easy to get caught up. I've been crying almost constantly for the last three days. Oddly enough I think I needed it. There's still things that need to be resolved but for now I'm almost at peace. I'm emotionally drained and all I wanna do is lie in bed and watch a movie with you. Sometimes it seems like you feel I expect so much but most of the time all I wanna do is be near you.

And I am not ashamed of that.

Sometimes it doesn't seem like we are on the same page but hopefully we can fix that because I enjoy being with you. I'm trying to figure out how the balance in my life got so thrown off.

If only I had one more day of weekend to recover.....I'm exhausted.

It takes time

I spent yesterday from about 10-4 in the art building with all the other art nerds, some of who teach there, some of who graduated from there and some who were just like me and still learning. It was the second annual big art day and it was very informative. While I went to the whole thing because a friend from my printmaking class said she would meet me there, I was pleasantly surprised that I didn't really have any desire to fall asleep during the talks. There were 5 Kutztown graduates there and they spoke of their careers from learning at school to what they are up to now. There's this thinking in the art world that in going through school you will become successful. But the truth of the matter is that success is different for everyone and when choosing to become an artist there is one word you must embody that they continuously mentioned....Determination. I realize that my future will probably not contain one steady income and I will bounce around from job to job but I also realized as they said that if it's truly what you were meant to do...There is no option. It's the passion for their art that keeps these people going. Even if you go what I had previously thought to be the steady route and attend graduate school and become a teacher....establishing yourself in the teaching world can be a whole different battle. I'm thankful that I never had a narrow view of what I wanted to do after undergrad but at the same time that was freaking daunting. My future seems to hold somewhere around 3 jobs. One for some kind of income, one that could further get me an in to someplace in the art world and one that is my own work on the side because I know that is something that I couldn't give up. The one woman would talk about all these obstacles and simply say "then you just do it, you get it done because you have to". It also looks like a big city may be in my future at some point. They all seemed to be advocates of study abroad too. So next Tuesday my friend Liana and I are off to the international studies office to research study in Italy for next fall!!!

On another note....

It seems I've been being a bitch lately. Not only has my sister pointed this out but one of my roommates looked at me like "well yeah" and the other said "yeah Ali you kinda have been" it seems I don't listen to what anyone else has to say and only call my family to bitch or rejoice about my life.....This may appear to be cynical because it is. I feel like yeah maybe I did call my mother a few times and obsess on myself but I also listened to how she feels she needs to take more time for herself and smile through her liver. I wished I wouldn't have heard that people felt I was doing this through the means that I did. I have to say I'm quite angry. I know I lately have been so busy that it has been just about my life for me. And maybe that's because I just am tired of listening. There is always one whine or story after another lately and sometimes I'm just worn out. And as for this not being used to me being all about myself....get the fuck over yourself. It's always been about you. In the past you rarely shared your life with me I didn't even know who the fuck you were and now I'm supposed to just be so invested because you are around. I'm still trying to figure you out because you can turn on my like I haven't loved you longer than anyone you know and rip me apart like you don't care about my feelings. Then a few minutes later act like it didn't happen. I don't understand that kind of hate. You don't have to always be on the defensive. I called you to apologize for my actions and you proceeded to further tell what a horrible person "you" think I am. I'm sorry but who are you to be telling me this. One day hopefully it will all be different and the competition you put between us will be gone. I've been trying to tell you this for years....we are no better or worse than one another we are only different and yet the same at the core.

1 year 100 posts

Today it has been exactly one year since I started writing this blog and today is my 100th post. I started this as a way to post photos and maybe write a little and the odd thing is my writing took over. It's been more therapeutic and a way to get things off my chest. I hope in the coming year I can mix in some photography with my writing but it's difficult when I don't work in digital. Maybe I'll take pictures of my pictures. hmmm.

The four day weekend has come to an end. I have only three days of classes this week so there is no complaining from me. My days will be long. Time not spent in class will be dedicated to projects and maybe a little to not failing health....cuz lets face it that would just be embarrassing.

Here's to hoping this heat coools off.

Oh and check out this photographer.....David La Chapelle....he does a lot of fashion adds and celebrities. They are very pop culture inspired shots and most are very colorful.

Lil kim


Madonna

22 long years

It's my parent's 22 anniversary today.
I want to congratulate them and wish them many more wonderful years together.
Relationships make life so much more fulfilling. That I'm certain of. And I don't mean just romantic one's. I thrive off of the joy of others. One of the most fulfilling things to me is to share something I am completely fascinated with. When that other person takes in what I've said and begins to share that same feeling there's a connection unlike any other. It's difficult to find someone who gets you.


I forgot how cute You've Got Mail is. Remember the days when Meg Ryan was one of the IT girls? Internet was just beginning to take off? And the monopoly of businesses like Starbucks were just beginning to crush the small family owned businesses? It's amazing how time flies. I was remembering earlier the little cluttered used bookstore that used to be on main street on the island. I had completely forgotten. Things change.

I'm in need of a night full of laughter and margarita's.

Nothing like a 4 day weekend

To put it simply...I've been busy.
In a good way though. These days I practically live in the darkroom but I love it. Once I start working my days will only be longer but I can't wait for that to get underway.
Yesterday I finally got to hang out with ms. Stephie Lynne Payonk. It's been awhile since we've just hung out all day. It was too fun. We made dinner, dessert, drinks and decorated the house with album covers.
It's Sat. 2 of the roomies are working, one is still at home and the other is out with her mom. I'm gonna shower, clean my room, get my life together, and relax till stace face gets home.
Tonight: Denis' hockey game. I'm slightly excited. He's nervous. No worries, he'll do fine as long as he doesn't psych himself out.
goodluck.

Movin On

In the last two nights I've been involved in some pretty intense games of pictionary. I hadn't played in forever and it was fun.
TGIF seriously
The beginning of my weeks are so crazy but now I'm free to relax. That is after I go get my computer fixed....so I might be computer less for awhile. And after I stop into work to meet Katie the photographer :)

TONIGHT: Lover noggin party
Out for some good food (who knows where yet)
Movie (probably nanny diaries)
and then party at home (wine probably included and def a hot tub involved!)

EXCITED I AM. (and apparently yoda today too)

Happy weekend :)

Sometimes it's hard to come by that feeling of peace

Things are generally good.
There's so many exciting new things happening how could they not be.
I'm going in to meet the photographer at work this week. I'm free from negativity....at the moment. I'm generally excited about school and my photo project coming up. I'm busy so my thoughts can't linger from what I have to get done.

I'm concerned about someone though. That they are never gonna be able to be their full self. That one day they will wake up and realize this life they've always had planned doesn't make them happy. I cannot tell this person what to do because it is not my decision to make but I hope in time they are able to change their perspective on this slightly and realize if this is what they truly want. I know that me along with many others only want the best for them.

I have this complex about me. If I find out that someone was bothered enough to tell someone else about something I've said to them or done...it bothers me to no end. It means whatever I did irritated them enough to repeat it...it's still fresh in their mind or playing over and over. Come to me if I'm bothering you people I don't do these things intentionally.

As for you. I know you say you don't read this anymore so that gives me the more reason to write things. I still care about you a lot and hope that we can remain friends. But this is gonna take me a bit to find out how to be your friend. I haven't allowed myself to really think about this till I found myself snapping at people and they attributed it to this situation. I'm alright until I let myself think about it too much. And lord knows it will be difficult once we are in the same room again but I'm not thinking about that now. I have too much to do.

But for now it's just time for breakfast.

just keep swimming

It's been a while since I've written because everything going on in my life is too personal to just ramble about it on here. There have been a lot of ups and downs in my life lately.
Last night my sister came out here for a party. It was so fun. Out here she's the one person that gets me completely. I'm so glad we've been able to get closer and bond lately and that her life is moving in a good direction and she seems so happy.

Still waiting on that phone call to get started with work.
For now I'm still taking it one day at a time and trying to sort out my feelings.

just can't stop thinking

I couldn't fall asleep last night. My mind didn't want to shut off. I replayed so many things over and over in my head. I don't think you realize how hard it was for me not to give in to temptation. But I'm losing sight of the reasoning behind why i didn't. The only thing I know is that no matter what, this is gonna be hard because I'm beginning to realize that's just the way things are. That doesn't mean I'm going to break down though. I'm lucky enough to know that I was raised well and I have a strong sense of self. And because of these things I just have to trust that I'm going to make it. Even if I fall I know that I can pick myself up again or at least have people that will be there for me. I have 2 classes until the weekend. Although weekends are different when your roommates are working. I can't wait til I'm working and the days are busier but at the same time sometimes I just wish time would stand still.

Too much wine + a cell phone= BAD LIFE CHOICES