Sanibel Island

Because of the mass amounts of chaos in my life the past couple weeks I haven't been able to load any pictures from my family trip to Florida. So here they are. It was gorgeous and it sure beats a hell of a long plane ride to Hawaii although Hawaii will always be a perfect 10 to me I'd give this place an 8. Refreshing break for some water.....I can't even wait till I'm close to a beach again.

View down the beach from the inn we were staying at.

After the kayak adventure.

Parents and sis after the kayak adventure.

Dad and sister floating along.

My sister is a different ethnicity than me.

Attempting enjoy some interesting food after an extremely long wait.

The parents and their accidental matchingness.

And of course me being....well me.
Anyways I'm glad we got to enjoy that adventure as a family because I fear we don't have many left. I'm super excited my computed chord is now here and I'm back online....wow sad that a few days without a computer is so painful but I guess that's just how it is now a days.
My hair is now shorter and much more red than black. And I'm sorry about all those depressing posts before...I know some of you were worried and contacted me to make sure I wasn't harming myself in anyway but things have been worked out and we are both happy together until the end of the semester and then we'll see how it goes. Lots of things to get done before the end of the semester but trying to leave room for fun but first I have to get rid of this cold. I'm off to study for a religious studies test and then take a lovely hot shower. Smiles to all.

Inspiring

What a day so far.
A bomb threat. The campus is covered in maroon and orange t-shirts for Virginia Tech. There were lots of people out to support walk for life and shave to save. It's inspiring to know that our college has some impact on the world and that I participated in something that does as well. The sun is finally shining and it's putting me in the best mood.
Peace and love to all :)

Learn to Be Still

I can't get you out of my head.
Even if I'm happy most of the time and doing other things you are constantly on my mind.
All I want to do is talk to you but I'm sure it would only make this harder.
I saw you today and we exchanged smiles and waves and it was good.
I feel like I've lost one of my really good friends though and it still hurts a little. Every time I see you for awhile I won't be able to think of you in any other way besides how I've thought of you for the last 6 months. It's hard to fall asleep and once I do it's restless. Sometimes I feel like we are making this harder on ourselves than it needs to be but I think right now we either have to be together or not be in contact and that's really hard for me to come to terms with. All I wanted to do when I saw you was ask how you were and just sit and talk with you. It's a frustrating situation but it is what it is.
On the other coast my sister is causing my mother frustration again. Lin I love you. Make the decision not just for you but for mom too. I hate to see all of you in pain. Give it some time and some thought and realize you have the world at your feet and as hard as it is don't go just by what your heart is saying.
AHHHHH lately that's how I feel.
Walk for life, sushi and who knows what other fun things.

I'm in Repair

Today is a much better day.
I kept myself busy all morning and vented to some people who are rather good listeners. Not surprisingly it helps a lot for me to talk about it. When I'm alone I get sad. But I have to remember it is the best decision. I was not right for you and you were not right for me and I've known that for awhile now but it didn't make it any easier to let you go. I wish it was summer so I could leave this town and all the memories I have in this room. That's when it hurts the most when I'm in this room. Today I haven't cried...I've only come close a couple times but it's a major improvement from the water works I had going on yesterday. If you are reading this thank you for sharing so many of my firsts with me and treating me with respect. I hope we can eventually get to that friend place but I don't think it's gonna happen for me for a while.
Alright so this is where I let you go.
This is where I stop thinking about the memories and I spend as little time in my room as possible and I dig into that school work that just sits in a pile. It was fun while it lasted one day I'll be able to look back and smile.
For now I need to forget......
cuz I'm in repair

I've seen better days

The weather matches my mood today.
It's been raining all day and I've been crying a lot.
I'm hurt but I know it's for the best. We had good times. It was a great learning experience and I don't regret it in the slightest. The friend thing will happen but not for awhile.
I'm digging myself into work because I have too much to do to sulk.
I know this is right and the best thing but it doesn't make it hurt any less.

Thank god for my friends. I don't know what I would do with out you.

I'm not gonna lie I'm gonna miss what we had.

Here's to the next chapter of my life. Embracing the challenges and appreciating what I have in life.

Inbetween here and there

Isn't it funny how we need the approval of others.....don't kid yourself people you know you do. As much as you'd like to think your opinion is the only one that matters it is only to an extent. With out some kind of positive encouragement would we have the motivation and the confidence to continue on?
I tried to tell myself I didn't care what my painting professor thought but every time he stepped up to my paintings in this semester....with that sigh and announcement "OK".... he then would take over my painting and fix the most horrendous parts and lecture me on how this relates to being a photographer. Well today he did that his usual couple times and then..... I took control of my painting. The next time he walked by he said 'don't touch that part'. I was shocked I said 'oh my god I finally did something right' and he laughed and walked away.
Now it's not that I wouldn't have been content with my painting if he hadn't felt it was good too but it definitely put a smile on my face and a little confidence behind my brush.
It's the same kind of thing with compliments. When someone out of no where compliments you on something it's just that feeling of satisfaction that something about you is right. If that makes sense.
My motivation to get things done this week has been next to none and for that I am going to pay in these next few weeks. Gotta finish my photo project tomorrow and this weekend. It's sad that there's not much enthusiasm behind that but it's becoming more comfortable.
It's almost time for Grey's....yes sadly my world does somewhat revolve around TV. (btw Lost was awesome last night)
Take care all you friends in all corners of the country :)

Another day

It's been a couple weeks since I last wrote and since I have about 10 min before I walk to class I'll waste some time here. The fam went to Florida last week and it looked something like this.
My camera was dead so I took a total of 10 pictures and only a few on staceys camera. Oh well it was a wonderful place to relax and kayak and hang out with the family.
Busy weeks ahead lots of papers and projects but my finals week doesn't look horrible. Then we are off to Boston, (we being stace, steph and i) and then I'm off to San Diego....what a life. I wish I was more excited for school to be over but I have too much to get done and some quality time to spend with someone special before we don't see eachother for a looong time. Ok that's pretty much what's up. Not the most exciting of blogs but I'm stifled for creativity at the moment.
More on this another day.
Peace AaaaND Love