The Sun is Up the Sky is Blue it's Beautiful and so are You...Look Around

After talking to my mom today I decided it's time to write a happier blog. But the truth of the matter is I am in fact happier by far than I was when writing these recent blogs. A weight has lifted and things that were bothering me recently seem far less serious. Maybe I just have a fresh outlook. Perhaps it's because of the wonderful cinematic adventure I had yesterday.
Across the Universe!!!
It was glorious. The singing. The gorgeous British actor. Definately a must see for Beatles lovers as well as any one who loves cinematography as much as I do. So colorful! As a matter of fact Tannah and I are listening to the soundtrack now.

I finally officially start work on Friday! Can't wait. Other than that my days are busy in a good way. Not overwhelmingly just very scheduled with a little room for spontaneity. Which is just the way I like.

Here's to making this a better week.

Love to all!

I can't sleep......

because you keep getting my hopes up that I'll see you and then you never follow through.

It makes me sad.


I don't know how much more of this I can take.

just breathe

Working on calming down and chilling out....getting stressed over life too easily.
Nothing I can do but keep trucking.
oh yeah and once again
breathe

On a Lighter Note

I'm recovering from these horrible last three days I've had.
I'm making amends with those of hurt and trying to live my life lighter. Sometimes it's too easy to get caught up. I've been crying almost constantly for the last three days. Oddly enough I think I needed it. There's still things that need to be resolved but for now I'm almost at peace. I'm emotionally drained and all I wanna do is lie in bed and watch a movie with you. Sometimes it seems like you feel I expect so much but most of the time all I wanna do is be near you.

And I am not ashamed of that.

Sometimes it doesn't seem like we are on the same page but hopefully we can fix that because I enjoy being with you. I'm trying to figure out how the balance in my life got so thrown off.

If only I had one more day of weekend to recover.....I'm exhausted.

It takes time

I spent yesterday from about 10-4 in the art building with all the other art nerds, some of who teach there, some of who graduated from there and some who were just like me and still learning. It was the second annual big art day and it was very informative. While I went to the whole thing because a friend from my printmaking class said she would meet me there, I was pleasantly surprised that I didn't really have any desire to fall asleep during the talks. There were 5 Kutztown graduates there and they spoke of their careers from learning at school to what they are up to now. There's this thinking in the art world that in going through school you will become successful. But the truth of the matter is that success is different for everyone and when choosing to become an artist there is one word you must embody that they continuously mentioned....Determination. I realize that my future will probably not contain one steady income and I will bounce around from job to job but I also realized as they said that if it's truly what you were meant to do...There is no option. It's the passion for their art that keeps these people going. Even if you go what I had previously thought to be the steady route and attend graduate school and become a teacher....establishing yourself in the teaching world can be a whole different battle. I'm thankful that I never had a narrow view of what I wanted to do after undergrad but at the same time that was freaking daunting. My future seems to hold somewhere around 3 jobs. One for some kind of income, one that could further get me an in to someplace in the art world and one that is my own work on the side because I know that is something that I couldn't give up. The one woman would talk about all these obstacles and simply say "then you just do it, you get it done because you have to". It also looks like a big city may be in my future at some point. They all seemed to be advocates of study abroad too. So next Tuesday my friend Liana and I are off to the international studies office to research study in Italy for next fall!!!

On another note....

It seems I've been being a bitch lately. Not only has my sister pointed this out but one of my roommates looked at me like "well yeah" and the other said "yeah Ali you kinda have been" it seems I don't listen to what anyone else has to say and only call my family to bitch or rejoice about my life.....This may appear to be cynical because it is. I feel like yeah maybe I did call my mother a few times and obsess on myself but I also listened to how she feels she needs to take more time for herself and smile through her liver. I wished I wouldn't have heard that people felt I was doing this through the means that I did. I have to say I'm quite angry. I know I lately have been so busy that it has been just about my life for me. And maybe that's because I just am tired of listening. There is always one whine or story after another lately and sometimes I'm just worn out. And as for this not being used to me being all about myself....get the fuck over yourself. It's always been about you. In the past you rarely shared your life with me I didn't even know who the fuck you were and now I'm supposed to just be so invested because you are around. I'm still trying to figure you out because you can turn on my like I haven't loved you longer than anyone you know and rip me apart like you don't care about my feelings. Then a few minutes later act like it didn't happen. I don't understand that kind of hate. You don't have to always be on the defensive. I called you to apologize for my actions and you proceeded to further tell what a horrible person "you" think I am. I'm sorry but who are you to be telling me this. One day hopefully it will all be different and the competition you put between us will be gone. I've been trying to tell you this for years....we are no better or worse than one another we are only different and yet the same at the core.

1 year 100 posts

Today it has been exactly one year since I started writing this blog and today is my 100th post. I started this as a way to post photos and maybe write a little and the odd thing is my writing took over. It's been more therapeutic and a way to get things off my chest. I hope in the coming year I can mix in some photography with my writing but it's difficult when I don't work in digital. Maybe I'll take pictures of my pictures. hmmm.

The four day weekend has come to an end. I have only three days of classes this week so there is no complaining from me. My days will be long. Time not spent in class will be dedicated to projects and maybe a little to not failing health....cuz lets face it that would just be embarrassing.

Here's to hoping this heat coools off.

Oh and check out this photographer.....David La Chapelle....he does a lot of fashion adds and celebrities. They are very pop culture inspired shots and most are very colorful.

Lil kim


Madonna

22 long years

It's my parent's 22 anniversary today.
I want to congratulate them and wish them many more wonderful years together.
Relationships make life so much more fulfilling. That I'm certain of. And I don't mean just romantic one's. I thrive off of the joy of others. One of the most fulfilling things to me is to share something I am completely fascinated with. When that other person takes in what I've said and begins to share that same feeling there's a connection unlike any other. It's difficult to find someone who gets you.


I forgot how cute You've Got Mail is. Remember the days when Meg Ryan was one of the IT girls? Internet was just beginning to take off? And the monopoly of businesses like Starbucks were just beginning to crush the small family owned businesses? It's amazing how time flies. I was remembering earlier the little cluttered used bookstore that used to be on main street on the island. I had completely forgotten. Things change.

I'm in need of a night full of laughter and margarita's.

Nothing like a 4 day weekend

To put it simply...I've been busy.
In a good way though. These days I practically live in the darkroom but I love it. Once I start working my days will only be longer but I can't wait for that to get underway.
Yesterday I finally got to hang out with ms. Stephie Lynne Payonk. It's been awhile since we've just hung out all day. It was too fun. We made dinner, dessert, drinks and decorated the house with album covers.
It's Sat. 2 of the roomies are working, one is still at home and the other is out with her mom. I'm gonna shower, clean my room, get my life together, and relax till stace face gets home.
Tonight: Denis' hockey game. I'm slightly excited. He's nervous. No worries, he'll do fine as long as he doesn't psych himself out.
goodluck.