California here I come

Since I leave tomorrow for the loverly west coast! I figured it was time for a blog.
I've been working 8:30-5ish all week and I'm exhausted. It's been fun though. Who could ask for a more fun person to work with. I laugh hysterically all day long. It's cool to have someone just get you. We had a department lunch today (Mexican food...or so the Pa people think) it was one big laugh fest though. Which I have to say was very surprising. It was a nice end to a hard worked week.
I can't even wait to get there. I miss the family and the warmth. The snow has not left the ground here for weeks and just when you think it's gone you get a few more flurries. Hopefully the forecast is right and that rain washes it away for everyone this weekend.
A fun week lies ahead and I'm looking forward to every minute.
Happy holidays to my few loyal readers and thanks for reading :)
PS you are always on my mind

Don't Ask Don't Tell

Don't Ask Don't Tell ~ click this it's interesting

I happened to catch this segment on 60 Minutes today about the military's don't ask don't tell policy regarding gay people. It's always amazing to me to realize how judgmental and close minded some people are. Lesley Stal asked a few questions to Army Major Daniel Davis, his view is that military troops are generally conservative and allowing gays to serve openly would offend them and jeopardize battle effectiveness...

"What do you think would happen if a unit with a gay person went out into a combat situation?" Stahl asks.

"In my view, men are going to die, units are going to fail that would otherwise not fail, that would otherwise not die," Davis says.

"Didn't they say exactly the same thing about blacks?" Stahl asks.

Absurd. Since moving to Pennsylvania I've been exposed to a lot more judgmental and people stuck in their ways. I've met many people who say they aren't racist and yet talk about black people in such negative ways. At a party it's common for me to here someone drop the 'n' word. I can't imagine having such hostility toward someone. A couple people have gone as far to tell me 'well that's just how I was raised' and I've definitely heard..'well you just wouldn't understand you aren't from around here'. Which only makes me more open minded and less likely to judge someone by their skin. Although I grew up in a less diverse area than many of these people, I spent a summer working with a quite diverse group and in having lived in numerous areas I've met diverse people and that's what makes life interesting. I get that some of them say it's a certain type of african american that irks them but there's also a certain type of white person that fits into similar categories. But that's just it. You are putting someone in a category that you may have no idea if they fit in. People are diverse and that's the beauty that keeps me going in life. Differences are what make things interesting. Just the fact that we can never stop learning and growing is an intriguing aspect that gets me thinking for days.
And for that matter who would want to stop.
So for this holiday season i wish for everyone reading this to keep growing and learning and eat lots of food :)

Time on my Hands....

....or so I'd like to think.
Finals are over! It's a glorious feeling. Steph and I celebrated last night by cleaning the living room/kitchen area, lighting some candles, cuddling on the couch watching movies and sipping on hot chocolate. Later in the night we decided it was a good idea to turn on some Paramore and Fall Out Boy and tear apart our closets for a photo shoot. We were out of control and I loved it. The night ended with mac and cheese and a game of mario party that Denis and Tim joined in on.

Now I'm free. Well sort of. The fall sports for the yearbook are not finished....oops I gotta get on that. Christmas shopping is another thing on my list I have to make time for. And weather permitting I'm working full time this next week and I gotta admit I'm excited. A week from today I am on a plane to one of my favorite destinations and home away from home....San Diego. We are spending the holidays there with the family. I'll be staying with my sister and my two cousins in their new apartment. Too fun, I can't wait.

Today seems too daunting to get myself going. I want to clean this whole house because it's disgusting and Steph and I didn't do anything to help that. But before I get to that...Breakfast.
Happy winter break!

Thinking

I am so aware of my mortality.
More so than I think others are and I've always been this way.
Never when I was growing up did I have that invincible complex. Around the age of 10 I would get night terrors because I couldn't let go of the fact that one day my parents are going to die. Still if I think to hard about it I freak myself out. Then the only solution is mass amounts of superficial things to distract me from this odd place I have reached.

A friend that I never got to know all that well just had his father pass away. Some of my other friends are at the viewing right now. It got me thinking about how lucky I am that I have never had to experience a viewing. I cannot even fathom how torn apart I would be by the sight of a dead body. Regardless, his family is in my thoughts right now as well as in many others.

It's weird that sometimes things like this make you realize how much you care about certain people in your life.
Peace and Love.

Crazy Dreams

Tannah informed me it was time to write a new blog. The truth of the matter is I haven't been writing not only because I am busy but because I don't have anything but narrative on my life to tell you. I need to get back to the pondering about life or the photo posts I've done before. Maybe in a few weeks after finals I can delve back into that.

But I can tell you this....I don't watch or read the news enough. I know I've posted about this before but it's sad that somewhere along the way that never became part of a daily routine. It's always been difficult for me to sit and watch the news because either it's fluff or devastating. The murder stories are too much for me to handle. So somewhere along the way I got the NYTimes sent to my email every morning......on a good day I read the headings and the short description telling my what to look forward to if I choose to click the link. Needless to say, I rarely click the link.

Ok back to reality. Work to get done today.
Maybe tomorrow I'll click those links.

This was the quickest weekend I think I've had since I used to play soccer 6 days a week. Which I miss dreadfully by the way. It seems like just yesterday I was in photo class making an enormous print of a cornfield picture I took. But nope that was Thursday. I like being busy and having things to do but I have to remember to enjoy this while it lasts. Although today was just slower than ever I got things done but it's been a struggle to stay entertained. I assume the next few weeks are going to be very hectic though so I might as well enjoy the down time. It's only 7 and I've still got my eye on an apple blossom in the freezer...mmm mmm. Love um.

I absolutely love my job. The atmosphere is incredibly my style. Katie is so relaxed and we have such similar ways about us and out looks on life. It's incredible when you click with people like that. I haven't found a person on the east coast that I've connected with in this way yet. With maybe the exception of my friend Liana in printmaking who I'm most likely going to ROME! with next Fall if everything works out as planed. Anyways it makes me miss the west coast though. But I love so many things about it here too. I can't believe I only have one full week of school then thanksgiving week then a couple more weeks of classes and then a week of finals. It's truly mind boggling. I'm looking forward to the holidays but I can't even devote a moments thought to early xmas shopping because it's all about getting my school work done now and enjoying my time with friends I only have a few months left with.

Kal Ho Naa Ho <3

We did our best.

Last night was Halloween and all the cool kids got to dress up and head off to the bar.

Tannah and I did our best to have fun....after they left, since we just moped while they were here getting ready.....

Since I'm a baby when it comes to scary things we found Zodiac on PPV and had a grand old time. It was intense and long so we were easily distracted from the fun all of our roommates and friends were having at the bar. Then I slept....and had dreams about people chasing me and killers on the loose. I guess my subconscious was feeling the holiday spirit.

It's amazing how quickly the stores push Christmas on you. Steph and I went to the dollar store yesterday to see is she could find some antennas for her costume and the Halloween section was gone and it was taken over by red and green. It's nuts! No wonder by the time Christmas actually rolls around everyone's sick of it. I'm gonna do my best to ignore it until December when I will bust out the traditional Mariah Carey Christmas and Nsync Christmas as well....I can't resist it's too fun. Oh yeah and maybe a little Celine Dion for old times sake. Oh how I love to just sit with a cup of hot chocolate and belt out the sounds of the season... :)

Today I get to work in 2 different art mediums, yay. Printmaking and photography. Should be interesting. Tomorrow I finally start work and I'm super excited. Everything is looking up, but I probably shouldn't speak too soon because well we all know what happens when you do.

A lovely Halloween weekend to all.

The Sun is Up the Sky is Blue it's Beautiful and so are You...Look Around

After talking to my mom today I decided it's time to write a happier blog. But the truth of the matter is I am in fact happier by far than I was when writing these recent blogs. A weight has lifted and things that were bothering me recently seem far less serious. Maybe I just have a fresh outlook. Perhaps it's because of the wonderful cinematic adventure I had yesterday.
Across the Universe!!!
It was glorious. The singing. The gorgeous British actor. Definately a must see for Beatles lovers as well as any one who loves cinematography as much as I do. So colorful! As a matter of fact Tannah and I are listening to the soundtrack now.

I finally officially start work on Friday! Can't wait. Other than that my days are busy in a good way. Not overwhelmingly just very scheduled with a little room for spontaneity. Which is just the way I like.

Here's to making this a better week.

Love to all!

I can't sleep......

because you keep getting my hopes up that I'll see you and then you never follow through.

It makes me sad.


I don't know how much more of this I can take.

just breathe

Working on calming down and chilling out....getting stressed over life too easily.
Nothing I can do but keep trucking.
oh yeah and once again
breathe

On a Lighter Note

I'm recovering from these horrible last three days I've had.
I'm making amends with those of hurt and trying to live my life lighter. Sometimes it's too easy to get caught up. I've been crying almost constantly for the last three days. Oddly enough I think I needed it. There's still things that need to be resolved but for now I'm almost at peace. I'm emotionally drained and all I wanna do is lie in bed and watch a movie with you. Sometimes it seems like you feel I expect so much but most of the time all I wanna do is be near you.

And I am not ashamed of that.

Sometimes it doesn't seem like we are on the same page but hopefully we can fix that because I enjoy being with you. I'm trying to figure out how the balance in my life got so thrown off.

If only I had one more day of weekend to recover.....I'm exhausted.

It takes time

I spent yesterday from about 10-4 in the art building with all the other art nerds, some of who teach there, some of who graduated from there and some who were just like me and still learning. It was the second annual big art day and it was very informative. While I went to the whole thing because a friend from my printmaking class said she would meet me there, I was pleasantly surprised that I didn't really have any desire to fall asleep during the talks. There were 5 Kutztown graduates there and they spoke of their careers from learning at school to what they are up to now. There's this thinking in the art world that in going through school you will become successful. But the truth of the matter is that success is different for everyone and when choosing to become an artist there is one word you must embody that they continuously mentioned....Determination. I realize that my future will probably not contain one steady income and I will bounce around from job to job but I also realized as they said that if it's truly what you were meant to do...There is no option. It's the passion for their art that keeps these people going. Even if you go what I had previously thought to be the steady route and attend graduate school and become a teacher....establishing yourself in the teaching world can be a whole different battle. I'm thankful that I never had a narrow view of what I wanted to do after undergrad but at the same time that was freaking daunting. My future seems to hold somewhere around 3 jobs. One for some kind of income, one that could further get me an in to someplace in the art world and one that is my own work on the side because I know that is something that I couldn't give up. The one woman would talk about all these obstacles and simply say "then you just do it, you get it done because you have to". It also looks like a big city may be in my future at some point. They all seemed to be advocates of study abroad too. So next Tuesday my friend Liana and I are off to the international studies office to research study in Italy for next fall!!!

On another note....

It seems I've been being a bitch lately. Not only has my sister pointed this out but one of my roommates looked at me like "well yeah" and the other said "yeah Ali you kinda have been" it seems I don't listen to what anyone else has to say and only call my family to bitch or rejoice about my life.....This may appear to be cynical because it is. I feel like yeah maybe I did call my mother a few times and obsess on myself but I also listened to how she feels she needs to take more time for herself and smile through her liver. I wished I wouldn't have heard that people felt I was doing this through the means that I did. I have to say I'm quite angry. I know I lately have been so busy that it has been just about my life for me. And maybe that's because I just am tired of listening. There is always one whine or story after another lately and sometimes I'm just worn out. And as for this not being used to me being all about myself....get the fuck over yourself. It's always been about you. In the past you rarely shared your life with me I didn't even know who the fuck you were and now I'm supposed to just be so invested because you are around. I'm still trying to figure you out because you can turn on my like I haven't loved you longer than anyone you know and rip me apart like you don't care about my feelings. Then a few minutes later act like it didn't happen. I don't understand that kind of hate. You don't have to always be on the defensive. I called you to apologize for my actions and you proceeded to further tell what a horrible person "you" think I am. I'm sorry but who are you to be telling me this. One day hopefully it will all be different and the competition you put between us will be gone. I've been trying to tell you this for years....we are no better or worse than one another we are only different and yet the same at the core.

1 year 100 posts

Today it has been exactly one year since I started writing this blog and today is my 100th post. I started this as a way to post photos and maybe write a little and the odd thing is my writing took over. It's been more therapeutic and a way to get things off my chest. I hope in the coming year I can mix in some photography with my writing but it's difficult when I don't work in digital. Maybe I'll take pictures of my pictures. hmmm.

The four day weekend has come to an end. I have only three days of classes this week so there is no complaining from me. My days will be long. Time not spent in class will be dedicated to projects and maybe a little to not failing health....cuz lets face it that would just be embarrassing.

Here's to hoping this heat coools off.

Oh and check out this photographer.....David La Chapelle....he does a lot of fashion adds and celebrities. They are very pop culture inspired shots and most are very colorful.

Lil kim


Madonna

22 long years

It's my parent's 22 anniversary today.
I want to congratulate them and wish them many more wonderful years together.
Relationships make life so much more fulfilling. That I'm certain of. And I don't mean just romantic one's. I thrive off of the joy of others. One of the most fulfilling things to me is to share something I am completely fascinated with. When that other person takes in what I've said and begins to share that same feeling there's a connection unlike any other. It's difficult to find someone who gets you.


I forgot how cute You've Got Mail is. Remember the days when Meg Ryan was one of the IT girls? Internet was just beginning to take off? And the monopoly of businesses like Starbucks were just beginning to crush the small family owned businesses? It's amazing how time flies. I was remembering earlier the little cluttered used bookstore that used to be on main street on the island. I had completely forgotten. Things change.

I'm in need of a night full of laughter and margarita's.

Nothing like a 4 day weekend

To put it simply...I've been busy.
In a good way though. These days I practically live in the darkroom but I love it. Once I start working my days will only be longer but I can't wait for that to get underway.
Yesterday I finally got to hang out with ms. Stephie Lynne Payonk. It's been awhile since we've just hung out all day. It was too fun. We made dinner, dessert, drinks and decorated the house with album covers.
It's Sat. 2 of the roomies are working, one is still at home and the other is out with her mom. I'm gonna shower, clean my room, get my life together, and relax till stace face gets home.
Tonight: Denis' hockey game. I'm slightly excited. He's nervous. No worries, he'll do fine as long as he doesn't psych himself out.
goodluck.

Movin On

In the last two nights I've been involved in some pretty intense games of pictionary. I hadn't played in forever and it was fun.
TGIF seriously
The beginning of my weeks are so crazy but now I'm free to relax. That is after I go get my computer fixed....so I might be computer less for awhile. And after I stop into work to meet Katie the photographer :)

TONIGHT: Lover noggin party
Out for some good food (who knows where yet)
Movie (probably nanny diaries)
and then party at home (wine probably included and def a hot tub involved!)

EXCITED I AM. (and apparently yoda today too)

Happy weekend :)

Sometimes it's hard to come by that feeling of peace

Things are generally good.
There's so many exciting new things happening how could they not be.
I'm going in to meet the photographer at work this week. I'm free from negativity....at the moment. I'm generally excited about school and my photo project coming up. I'm busy so my thoughts can't linger from what I have to get done.

I'm concerned about someone though. That they are never gonna be able to be their full self. That one day they will wake up and realize this life they've always had planned doesn't make them happy. I cannot tell this person what to do because it is not my decision to make but I hope in time they are able to change their perspective on this slightly and realize if this is what they truly want. I know that me along with many others only want the best for them.

I have this complex about me. If I find out that someone was bothered enough to tell someone else about something I've said to them or done...it bothers me to no end. It means whatever I did irritated them enough to repeat it...it's still fresh in their mind or playing over and over. Come to me if I'm bothering you people I don't do these things intentionally.

As for you. I know you say you don't read this anymore so that gives me the more reason to write things. I still care about you a lot and hope that we can remain friends. But this is gonna take me a bit to find out how to be your friend. I haven't allowed myself to really think about this till I found myself snapping at people and they attributed it to this situation. I'm alright until I let myself think about it too much. And lord knows it will be difficult once we are in the same room again but I'm not thinking about that now. I have too much to do.

But for now it's just time for breakfast.

just keep swimming

It's been a while since I've written because everything going on in my life is too personal to just ramble about it on here. There have been a lot of ups and downs in my life lately.
Last night my sister came out here for a party. It was so fun. Out here she's the one person that gets me completely. I'm so glad we've been able to get closer and bond lately and that her life is moving in a good direction and she seems so happy.

Still waiting on that phone call to get started with work.
For now I'm still taking it one day at a time and trying to sort out my feelings.

just can't stop thinking

I couldn't fall asleep last night. My mind didn't want to shut off. I replayed so many things over and over in my head. I don't think you realize how hard it was for me not to give in to temptation. But I'm losing sight of the reasoning behind why i didn't. The only thing I know is that no matter what, this is gonna be hard because I'm beginning to realize that's just the way things are. That doesn't mean I'm going to break down though. I'm lucky enough to know that I was raised well and I have a strong sense of self. And because of these things I just have to trust that I'm going to make it. Even if I fall I know that I can pick myself up again or at least have people that will be there for me. I have 2 classes until the weekend. Although weekends are different when your roommates are working. I can't wait til I'm working and the days are busier but at the same time sometimes I just wish time would stand still.

Too much wine + a cell phone= BAD LIFE CHOICES

Livin in the clouds

It's Thursday night after after a few stressful days beginning the semester of classes.
Me and the non 21 year old roommates are sitting around the apartment sulking.....I've already downed a few glasses of wine to dull my senses but it seems to still be slightly eating away at my happiness. Tannah and I are seriously contemplating the ownership of a fake id. The drinking age should seriously be 20 I'm mature enough to drink. Other than that I'm just frustrated with stuff...too much to do. Plus I have discovered the reason for the incredibly slow computer I possess. There is NO memory or ram....gotta figure that out another time.

Although I'm excited for my classes maybe more so than ever other aspects of life seem to be dragging a bit.

I miss the hustle and bustle of San Diego. I miss life buzzing around me everywhere.

The grass is always greener though. Unfortunately.

I just talked to my sister and I'm super proud of her determined nature. She's been working 14 hour days with 2 jobs. Good for her little face. Hopefully she can come hang out with us soon!

Tomorrow I'll be alone in this apartment until Tannah drags her ass back here to accompany my sorrow. So much for the future being brighter....mines looking pretty grim but I'm trying to keep my head up.

life at 527

I figured it was time for a new blog and a little update on life. So much has been going on.

I am officially moved back into the cliffs. I've missed the girls so much. I am always laughing. We are totally unmotivated this year to unpack but we've been making progress. Tannah and I left a almost everything on the floor for the first few days and numerous people came by and screamed when they saw how messy it was. Now it's cozy though and decorations are up all over the house. We'll add more later.

I'm still getting used to it all though and there's plenty of things I'm decided to omit from this blog cuz I don't feel like sharing too much. Plus I'm just trying to figure my own head out at this point.
Classes start tomorrow and I'm a little less than excited but it'll be something to do.

Our fridge is stocked full of food
We made tacos and rice for dinner
Watched wedding crashers and the holiday

it's a full moon and it hasn't been so crazy like these days usually are for me so that's a plus

When I get older losing my hair many years from now

My grandma called me today...

it seems she misses me already...

and I must admit I miss her as well.

Tannah and I had a conversation about what kinda of old people we'd like to become. We both decided along the lines of my grandma rather than a shriveling existence of the classic grandma.

There's so much I want out of life that sometimes I feel I expect too much. I just finished watching Becoming Jane. It was the supposed story of Jane Austen's life. The ending was horribly sad and made me cry. One thing I've expected out of life for as long as I can remember is to find true love. But what if that is not in store for me? As I watched the movie something struck me in my gut where only deep emotions do. I went through the love and loss and love and loss of her meant to be and I couldn't help feeling...

'What if even knowing that love never happens to me?'

But why is it that I'm so anxious to find it? I know I am capable of being on my own rather well and I quite enjoy it most of the time. But I want someone to know things about me even I don't realize and I want to know someone that well too.

But I guess for now all I can do is dream.

I'm Alive

I woke up this morning clicked on the TV to the usual Dawson's Creek drama then flipped channels for a few hours until I settled on a Gilmore Girls episode. It was the episode when Rory goes off to college. In a little less than 3 weeks I'll be moving back to school. What a weird feeling it was the first year I moved to school. I was so scared. I no longer need my parents like I did then but of course I still need them for some things but it's nice to know I can live on my own. Now moving back is going to be like going home. I'm so excited for this year. It's going to be busy but fun too.

3 days until my family comes! Till then I'm making my own fun because I've realized that's the best thing I can do. Life's what you make it. Yesterday I went to the bay to sit and read and walk along the shore. I've been trying to get myself out there and I'm glad I finally did.

As I was getting in my car to leave Gwen called me and we met back at my house and then drove out to Balboa and walked around....I love it there it's so gorgeous.

Theater

Gwen by the lillypads

Artist studios and galleries :)

Can't wait till Friday <3

Ever So Grateful

Hello loyal readers. I know it has been a few days and in the recent weeks my writing has been less. I'd like to say it is because I have been busy but that would be stretching the truth just a bit. Since I've been done with work I spend my time focusing on the now...or at least I have been able to accomplish this ever so large feat in the past couple days. It is strange how it takes knowing you are going to lose something or in fact losing something to bring out those appreciative emotions in you. The time I have spent here is irreplaceable. I have gotten to know my family and they have finally been able to see the me that speaks...haha. Most of all I have spent some quality time with some special little babies who I have seen grow into the cutest little boys.
It is amazing what can happen in 3 months.
I cannot even believe it has been that long. But before I head back to the other coast, I have some days to enjoy here and some sun and surf to eat up. My family comes in a week! Oh I how I miss them.
I did not realize how much I needed to be here until the past few days. The drama and negativity were weighing me down. In the process of getting swept up into that life I had lost myself. I am happy to say I am found again. Not only that but I have faith in myself again, in my ability to survive independently...well at least emotional...we will work on that financially thing in the future. I am looking forward to so many adventures this upcoming semester but before then I have some champagne to drink in celebration next weekend, some dancing to do, some quality family time, and some relaxing fishing with my pops.
Much love to all my readers who stick with me through my roller coaster of life.
<3

Things I've learned living on my own

• Most things aren't quite as fun when you have to do them on your own
• I need people and crave conversation
• Crowds are no longer a fear that keeps me away from them (although at times traffic can be overwhelming when you're running late for work)
• I like to work
• Without the stressful times you can't enjoy the stress free times as much
• Target is my best friend
• Down comforters make me sneeze and should be stuffed in closets so as not to see the light of day
• Dishes pile up in the sink slower when you live on your own
  
• I love fresh cut flowers in my house but I don't know that I'd have the motivation to maintain a garden anytime soon in my life
• Painting my fingernails only stops me from biting them until I pick off the paint (needless to say I repaint them a lot)
• I have an overwhelming addiction to desserts/sugar that if ignored results in the consumption of mass amounts a sugar in a very short amount of time
  
• Dawson's Creek is still as entertaining as it was when I was 13
  
• Food shopping is not as fun without roommates
  
• I love reading books
• My cousins babies are the cutest ever
• Airplanes flying over your head at 6:30 am not only rattle your house but your bed and brain (haha just kidding most of the time I don't notice them that early)
  
• Driving a monster truck is amazingly fun but it sucks to park
• I love when you go shopping and you find that one thing that you can't live without
• Working at Nordstrom makes you forget how expensive some of the clothes in the designer section are when people throw them sloppily back on the hangers
• Personal shoppers sell loads of clothes and anyone can have one for free :)
• Two words (Hanky Pankys) gotta love um
• My grandma is capable of asking me the same question 7 times in less than 2 minutes
• There is nothing better than Mexican food!
• There's almost nothing else as magical as watching the sunset from the cliffs with the pelicans floating up and down the coast
• Although I haven't spent all that much time at the beach it's just the comfort of knowing that it's there that makes all the difference

There are 14 days until my family arrives (yes it's reached a countdown point). I'm finished working...turns out they don't need me anymore. So now I have to spend my time enjoying what time I have left here. But as always....easier said than done.

there's this loneliness springing up from your life like a fountain from a pool

Now that the sale is underway my hours are shorter and my total days left of employment for the Nordstrom empire are 6. Although its been a fun experience full of laughter, sore arms and blistered feet, I'm ready for new adventures. There are so many things I'm looking forward to that I'm losing that live for the moment train of thought. I miss my friends and family. Luckily though things should start to get more interesting now that another chunk of my family is returning from the Mexican seas.
11 books into the Stephanie Plum series (2 more to go)
halfway through Harry Potter :)
Looking forward to so many things but for now I gotta just enjoy today.

Sometimes the hardest thing and the right thing are the same

Growing up I never thought I was a people person. I was that girl who had a few good friends but to the masses was a very quiet and shy person. In classes I barely spoke for few of who knows what now a days but then it seemed like the world would end if all eyes were on me. I never wanted the attention and still to this day I don't like a lot of attention. The difference is....today I need people in my life and not just people who pass in and out. I need friends. I need to do things. The problem is while I've become a people person I still remain reserved when it comes to doing things on my own. It's not all because I'm afraid anymore. It's because certain things are not fun when you don't have a friend tagging along with you. I'm forcing myself to take a book to the beach tomorrow and relax in my swim suit in the sun but it won't be as fun as if I had a friend to sit around a chat with. That's another thing...I don't know when I became a chatty person but somewhere along the way I grew into the gene that resides in both my mother and grandmother. I guess it's a good thing. I have about 25 days left and I'm gonna do my best to make the most out of them. I have some friends I still need to meet up with, a trip to catalina with my aunt, some quality time at the beach and some mexican food that I have to eat. Keeping a smile on my face although times get lonely and there are people I dearly miss.
Until we meet again :)

My Parents

Aren't they cute?! I miss you guys like crazy. I'm so glad you are enjoying yourself in good ole Pennsylvania. Can't wait to see you in about a month for the wedding!
Love
Al Pal

Music makes my world go round

I am jumping out of my skin with happiness because I downloaded new music and her name is Sara Bareilles!!! So good! Mom you would love it :) Heavy piano, gorgeous voice with some passion....who doesn't love passion? Love her lyrics.
Can't stop listening to her....makes me happy!
Listen to Gravity & Fairytale
My feet are finally getting used to work.
You know what's a weird thing? riding an elevator in the middle of Nordstrom at 8:30 before the store opens and only half the lights are on.....eerie. The boutique looks good...wish I could say that was my doing but nope didn't really get to do that. Oh well had some other fun. Stressed out the kids shoes guy....his fault not mine.
Anyways tomorrow is another day and after work Gwen and I are going on an adventure to get a table she got offline.

Trying to find that all elusive piece of mind

Today is my day off. I'm enjoying the job but my feet cannot say the same. They needed this break. I spent most of the day cleaning....thoroughly. The dishes are done. The laundry is done and folded and put away. The floors are vacuumed and swept. My sheets are clean. There are some newly cut roses in a vase on my counter and at this little table by my computer. What could be better....well let me tell you. I'm leaving in a short while to go eat dinner at Nati's with Grandma and Ned....mmmm Mexican food how I adore you.
Tomorrow I have to get to Nordys long before it opens to set up the Boutique.....kinda excited.
Otherwise I'm a pretty happy girl. The blisters on my feet are healing nicely and although my fridge is somewhat scarce I can scrounge until my next day off...Thursday.
My feelings are a big blur so I'm trying to stop thinking about them because there's no reason to go there. They vary so often that I lose track and for now that's ok. The only problem is getting you out my head is not always that simple.
Operation distraction now underway :)

Strain this choas turn it into light

How can I explain how wonderful it is to be here? I don't think I can do this feeling justice....but I'll give it a try. Many people I know would not enjoy being around a few old folks like I do. I love their stories. There is so much to learn from those who have the larger portion of their lives in their memories instead of out of their grasp. And believe me... there is always a story when you through my grandma, her boyfriend Ned, and grandma's brother (Uncle Jim to me). The best part is you can see it in their eyes when they talk. They are lost in their memory searching through the pictures in their minds to make sure the story is accurate. Along with the stories and after a few cocktails we discussed beliefs and the idea of a positive attitude. Which was fascinating to me to here since I've come to the realization lately that it's something necessary to my life. I feel I've inherited that trait from my mother and according to my great Uncle Jim it originated from his mother....although he believed she was sometimes naively optimistic, in a way that she didn't want to face the truth and just stated "everything will be alright".
As I sat and watched the generations before me talking about life and threw in my piece every once in awhile...I had one of those moments..... Where all you can do is smile and feel alive. It's in moments like this that I don't understand a lack of spirituality in your life. I don't think I could ever practice a religion but I definitely believe in SOMETHING...what it is I can't say. I consider myself a spiritual person and I have an interest in all religions because I'm fascinated that someone can believe so strongly in something without exposure to any other religion...and I also find it disturbing. Anyways after this experience and a day at the museum last week learning about Tibetan Buddhist art I've decided I need to learn more about this religion but who knows when that will happen.
My feet are blistered all over and sore but I'm back to work and generally I like it...when August rolls around I will be ecstatic. So many things ahead but this month is all about hard work....guess it's about time.
Peace and Love

Walkin down this road alone and i figure all im thinking bout is you

I've been in a weird funk all day that I can't seem to get out of but lets focus on happier times.
These photos are from this last week taken around the San Diego and of my cousins baby Nathan who I get to babysit tomorrow. I love it here I gotta say but when it's time to leave for back east I think I'll be ready to go. Who knows though. So it goes.



Sunset Cliffs

Nathan at the beach

Beach with grandma Holly (my aunt)

Playing the piano at grandmas

Here's where I live...we not exactly I live in a one room apartment behind this house...but that's the truck I'm driving....nice and dirty

Sunset Cliffs

Remember when we still believed in fairytales

I woke up this morning to the sun glaring through my window. I rolled over and my vision focused on the hands of my clock. It was 9:45. Since I moved here I haven't been able to sleep in later than that. I sat straight up, grabbed the remote, and flicked Dawson's Creek on the TV. It is my morning ritual to get intact with the teenage joys and struggles of the kids from the creek. I wandered through the kitchen and made myself a healthy breakfast....soy yogurt and granola and contemplated my a morning run.
Hours later I was still wandering around my one room apartment, occasionally stopping at the fridge, computer, or dialing a number of anyone who might distract me for some time. The thought of a run still wandered through my mind as I realized I had things to do. It was already 12, not too late for a run and a shower before my errands but I was looking for anything to justify my laziness.
30 minutes later I was dressed and walking through the doors of the Fashion Valley Nordstrom...or at least did for 4 days a couple weeks before. I got in the elevator and pushed
the button for the 3rd floor. I had been calling the human resources department frequently in the last few days looking for some hours and I figured it was time to pay them a visit. Plus I had a paycheck I wanted to pick up. They sent me out to customer services for the paycheck and downstairs to Colleen Kresky the woman who had hired me to discuss my schedule.
After numerous phone calls the woman at customer services handed me my paycheck and said have a nice day. I made my way down the escalator to meet with Colleen. There's something so peaceful about riding an escalator at a Nordstrom. The piano music hanging in the air and the quite bustle of the customers and at the same time an unusual stillness. I never touch the railing on those nasty things though due to the fact that they carry far too many germs. I've never been a germaphobe but this just gets me every time.
Colleen popped out of the dressing room with her smile as wide as her face in her 3 piece peach suit that almost smelled of the fruit. We went over the basics and she told me I could begin working for her on the 3rd at 9:30...exactly a week from today. I was beyond relieved. Just to know that I had a date set. She reassured me she'd give me full tour of the store and then later a schedule would be established.
Gwen gave me a call and told me we should arrange for a beach date later when she was done with errands. I called my mom and vented about my day and discussed everything we could thing of.
A few hours later I pulled into the parking lot of LaJolla shores beach. I met up with Gwen and we wandered down the beach, picked out a spot and spread out our towels. We talked about everything and even walked through some waves. Maybe next time we'll actually go for a swim.
On the ride home I did some thinking. I have no radio since it was stolen before the car was lent to me but it allowed for some quality time for belting out whatever came to mind first or just some thinking. I couldn't believe how calm I've felt since I've been here. It feels real and that seems strange. Not that I haven't been real in the last two years at Kutztown but just that something got lost. Too much time is spent focusing on whats going on with everyone else in our small little complex of friends. I made a promise to myself to focus on the positive. I've always been a positive person, I got it from my crazy mother and her crazy mother but it sure does make life more enjoyable when you are positive. Earlier in the day my mother had asked me if I was thinking about moving back here eventually and the first word that came to mind was "yes". As I've said before we'll see where life takes me but I can tell you this for sure now....it will not be Pennsylvania. Not that I haven't enjoyed time there but my heart lies in the west coast and everyone knows....a girl can't live without her heart.

Bainbridge and all it's beauty

Dad and me at the sculpture park in Seattle.

Linny on the stairs down to our old beach.

Me Jenny and Gwen at Brooke's beach just down the street from my old house. Oh how I love that view.

Phoenix girls reunion. Nicole, Erin, Gwen, Me, Meagan, Kim, Jackie, Jenny, Meaghan, and Kaile. So much fun to catch up with all of them!!!!

Overall the trip was wonderful I caught up with all the soccer girls and talked about the rest of the soccer girls and what everyone was up to. I ran into quite a few people I hadn't seen since graduation. My sister graduated and we actually got along the entire trip although I wasn't around her much. I miss northwest people....there is just something special about them that I have not been able to find any where else. Plus there is nothing better than a sunny summer day on the island...and I got a few of them!
Until we meet again.

My wish for you is that this life becomes all that you want it too

Today is a good day.
Tomorrow is an even better day.
The sun is out, I'm almost packed and everything is clean. In a few I'm going to Phil's BBQ with 'the grandparents I've never had'. I have been spending a lot of time with them and believe me although things get done a little slower it has been quite entertaining.
Tomorrow I get to see old friends and my sissy who I talked to today. I am beyond excited to see them and for her life to begin....she's finally growing up and I am so proud of her!
Oh how I love to west coast and it only seems to get better.
OK I'm gonna go pick some oranges off the tree outside my window :)

Hanging out with the Grandparents

Here's grandma and me with our finished masterpiece. Snickerdoodles! So many memories surrounding those cookies but none previously with grandma.
So since I've been off work the past couple of days and I have no idea when I will again be needed I have been trying to occupy my time. Quality time with my gma and Ned! I walked at the bay and to the pier with grandma. We shopped for linny's graduation present. We went out to Mexican food and tai food. It's been fun...they have fun stories and I get a little talking in there too.
I just have to say though that when one of my best friends called me today it pretty much made my day. I had not talked to Jenny in over 3 months I think. It's been far too long! So I can't wait to see you J and congrats on making it in to your program...although I had no doubt you would.
Much love to all.
I cannot wait until I am in Washington!!!

Tomorrow it all begins

Sometimes I hate realizations. When you know what you have realized is the truth and you do not want to put that truth into an action within your reality because it is hard and will probably cause you some emotional pain. In realizing these things you may have to make a major life change. Change is something I am very familiar with and believe it to be ultimately a good thing just as the Buddhist's believe in impermanence I follow that thought in that growth of the spirit is necessary. I do not want to remain the same although I believe some stability is necessary in my life for sanity purposes. Learning and establishing a curiosity for the world is important to me. My realization is to remain untold as it is my personal realization and tears at a piece of me. Growth in this case will prosper over comfort although it is so nice to have comfort in life.

Now that we have had a little dose of Ali wisdom for the day :) here are some pics from the boat last Saturday before the boys left.

Linny you are in my thoughts. Good luck with everything and we will see you soon. Mom and dad I miss you more than anything but I know I am in the right place.
Love.

You might bend till you break......then you stand

The ups and downs of living on your own are extreme. One second I am thinking to myself "can i really do this" and the next I am getting ready for my day singing along to CMT, planning my day in my head. The thing I need to remember is that if I were in Pennsylvania I would not be happy. I do not mean that in a degrading way to the state of Pennsylvania as some people seem to think I do. I have nothing against the state and I have a life there during the school year but I know in my heart it is not the place I want to be in the long run. I am a west coast girl at heart I know that for sure.
I think I miss you more than you miss me....but I am not sure if I miss you for the right reasons and that kinda freaks me out. I cannot let go of you because I am fighting change. I have this theory about change. We all hate it. We are creatures of habit. But I believe it's only those who embrace that change and continue to grow that prosper in this life. I am learning that for myself in order to fully embrace that change and begin to grow I have to establish small amounts of habits so my entire world is not change. There have to be some constants. With that said and my first day of job training completed I am going to finish my training in the next couple of days and begin a journey. Where it will take me I have no idea but that is what life is about. I realize I am so blessed in so many ways especially just to have this opportunity so if I do not embrace it I will whole-heartedly regret it.
Guess it is about time I grew up.
peace and love to all :)

The life of a loner

It is now the fifth day of my independence in California. Day's have been long and slow. Not that I haven't had some fun times but it's been difficult to be alone.
I start training tomorrow so things should start picking up but as of tonight I have no car so I have to work that out. My entertainment for the last few days includes, babysitting Ryan, seeing pirates with Gwen, hanging out on the boat with Brad, finishing the book I was reading, and chatting with Gwen about life. I highly recommend the book I just finished. My mom passed it on to me. It's called The Glass Castle by Jeannette Walls. It's a memoir about her life and her absolutely crazy family.

Driving back from my Grandma's I started thinking.....I was only home for a few days before I moved here and you know what I miss about home (besides my parents and pups)? Home cooked meals! So here's what I propose to you readers....what is you favorite meal your mommy makes? leave a comment and let me know. My favorite is chicken tortilla soup...mmmmmm mmmm.
Alright so leave your fav's as a comment for fun.

Enjoy your memorial day everyone. I'll be spending mine watch the That 70s Show marathon and eating all day. :)

Sunshine

Think of your life as a good book. Sometimes there are twists and turns you didn't see coming, but when you think about it, you realize they were pretty much inevitable. All your hard work has prepared you for this.

What a horoscope. Today is my first full day alone in this state. I drove the Reedhead's to the airport at 7am this morning. Which means I now have a car until Monday night! I came back and slept a little more and then got ready for the day. I am watching my grandma's dog so I took the little old red BMW for a spin to let Sadie out. On my way their I got a call from my cousin seeing if I would take care of his kid for a few hours at 11. So I spent a good hour with the dog and then made my way up the hill to Adam's house. I sat around and watched TV for a couple hours while Ryan just slept and slept. Finally as I go in to check on him around 1 he was sitting up in bed. I heard the front door open and shut and in walks Adam. We sat around and chatted while Ryan laughed and ate and told me stories only a baby could understand. So I'm back here for awhile errands, maybe a movie later...we'll see. Tomorrow babysitting with my aunt Holly on the boat.
I now officially am employed....I have till Tuesday to do whatever I want. Thanks for all your help mom.
The only thing that would make all this even better is a little sunshine.
I'll write again soon
love

I guess if you don't jump you'll never know if you can fly

I'm here! My mom left today and I cleaned up my apartment and finally got everything out of my suitcases. I need a down day. Since we got here I feel like I haven't had time to rest. I'm beyond excited to be here but this is only the beginning and this is when it gets a little hard.....I'm on my own! So things are still up in the air with everything but I am way more at home than in Pennsylvania.
Here are some pics of where I'm living.

Chairs in the corner of the room, a little sitting area.
table by the window with my comp.

Here's my cute little kitchen.

My big bed! and Little closet that all my clothes fit in surprisingly.

Bathroom.

And of course the gorgeous view from my window!!!
So here goes nothing...wish me luck!

I'm nothing but Smiles

It is wonderful to be back in a place that feels so much like home. My mother would tell you 'I'm back with my people'. Today we met up with all the cousins and babies and relatives they make me laugh so hard it hurts every time I see them. The babies are adorable and each have such different personalities. I potentially have a job at Nordstrom.....lol following in the family footsteps tehee. We'll see how that goes. So good to be here but I'm still adjusting to the time and I'm so tired......I think its time for a nap.
Miss and love you all that read this! :)

living one moment at a time

Last Friday was my last final and I turned in my 7 page paper to the nutso proff and walked back to my car a Junior in college. How time flies.
Since then I've been to 4 other states besides PA and I'm about to make that 5. Stacey and I packed our bags and drove 6 hours to Boston. What a long drive. When we finally got there it was a little underwhelming but the room turned out to be nice. We walked a couple blocks to the subway and spent a few hours in Harvard Square. What a difference in the atmosphere. Hard to explaining but it was very cool. The next day we wandered around Boston. We went pretty much everywhere by 4 and we decided to head back to Harvard for some more wandering and dinner. My feet have never hurt so much in my life. I'll post pics later.
We made it back to Kutztown yesterday around 4 and I must say it is good to be back.

Now I'm home and I must get to the packing before I move to SD for the summer.
So much to do, so much on my mind. Mom and I made our way to Target today and I distracted myself with some shopping, Cd's, clothes, presents, and books. It was a good time. And I'm so excited for friday.

But you are always on my mind.

all good things have to come to an end

As this year winds down I realize how good it was. Minus a lot of drama I've become a lot closer with a lot of people. All I have left to finish is a 6 pager for International Cinema, which involves the watching of a few scenes from fabulous movies....can't complain too badly.
There are so many things I will miss about Pennsylvania as odd as that is to say but I am so ready for a break from this place. It is not ME in the slightest and I need to go back and find me in the west. I am beyond excited. This is going to be one of the most adventurous things I've ever done and even though my cousins, aunt and grandma will be close by I am living alone and it's scary. It will be difficult to leave here though, I will cry and I'm usually very good with goodbyes but I know things will be different when I get back. Hopefully in a good way. So since I probably won't write for a few days I just want everyone to know I hope they enjoy their summer's and I'll meet ya back here in this box of a town for most of you peoples last year. EXCITING!
Love the one's your with!

Last Day of Classes

I'm officially done with my last class of my sophomore year of college....crazy how time flies.

All I have left to do before Boston and San Diego is:
religious studies final
American art history final
photography written final
a painting
a 6 pager for international cinema

haha yeah still got a bit left to do but today it's all about ice cream and sunshine!!!

Happy May Day

I'm having a real problem today with being on this coast. I'm frustrated with things that cannot be resolved and I'm ready for 18 days from now. This is how ready I am to leave....I just woke up from a nap where a dreamt I was in the car trying to meet my family for dinner in California but all I wanted to do was stop for some real Mexican food before the Mexican food I was eating for dinner....oh man. Anyways I'll be there soon. Now is just the stress I have to get to before I am rewarded.
It's one of my best friends 20th birthday's today and I'm reminiscing about the northwest and it's not helping my sitch. Anyways Jenny here's to all the good times we've had in the past and many more to come. I hope school isn't stressing you out too badly and you are able to celebrate this lovely first day of May. You are in my thoughts and I miss you!
My parents happily made their way to Italy and my mom called me when yesterday and she thinks I would love it there....of course how could I not. Well parents I hope you enjoy the fabulous view and see George clooney when you go to the bar around the corner from his house. I'll be taking care of the dogs this weekend...no worries.
Time for some more paper writing.
<3

Sanibel Island

Because of the mass amounts of chaos in my life the past couple weeks I haven't been able to load any pictures from my family trip to Florida. So here they are. It was gorgeous and it sure beats a hell of a long plane ride to Hawaii although Hawaii will always be a perfect 10 to me I'd give this place an 8. Refreshing break for some water.....I can't even wait till I'm close to a beach again.

View down the beach from the inn we were staying at.

After the kayak adventure.

Parents and sis after the kayak adventure.

Dad and sister floating along.

My sister is a different ethnicity than me.

Attempting enjoy some interesting food after an extremely long wait.

The parents and their accidental matchingness.

And of course me being....well me.
Anyways I'm glad we got to enjoy that adventure as a family because I fear we don't have many left. I'm super excited my computed chord is now here and I'm back online....wow sad that a few days without a computer is so painful but I guess that's just how it is now a days.
My hair is now shorter and much more red than black. And I'm sorry about all those depressing posts before...I know some of you were worried and contacted me to make sure I wasn't harming myself in anyway but things have been worked out and we are both happy together until the end of the semester and then we'll see how it goes. Lots of things to get done before the end of the semester but trying to leave room for fun but first I have to get rid of this cold. I'm off to study for a religious studies test and then take a lovely hot shower. Smiles to all.

Inspiring

What a day so far.
A bomb threat. The campus is covered in maroon and orange t-shirts for Virginia Tech. There were lots of people out to support walk for life and shave to save. It's inspiring to know that our college has some impact on the world and that I participated in something that does as well. The sun is finally shining and it's putting me in the best mood.
Peace and love to all :)

Learn to Be Still

I can't get you out of my head.
Even if I'm happy most of the time and doing other things you are constantly on my mind.
All I want to do is talk to you but I'm sure it would only make this harder.
I saw you today and we exchanged smiles and waves and it was good.
I feel like I've lost one of my really good friends though and it still hurts a little. Every time I see you for awhile I won't be able to think of you in any other way besides how I've thought of you for the last 6 months. It's hard to fall asleep and once I do it's restless. Sometimes I feel like we are making this harder on ourselves than it needs to be but I think right now we either have to be together or not be in contact and that's really hard for me to come to terms with. All I wanted to do when I saw you was ask how you were and just sit and talk with you. It's a frustrating situation but it is what it is.
On the other coast my sister is causing my mother frustration again. Lin I love you. Make the decision not just for you but for mom too. I hate to see all of you in pain. Give it some time and some thought and realize you have the world at your feet and as hard as it is don't go just by what your heart is saying.
AHHHHH lately that's how I feel.
Walk for life, sushi and who knows what other fun things.

I'm in Repair

Today is a much better day.
I kept myself busy all morning and vented to some people who are rather good listeners. Not surprisingly it helps a lot for me to talk about it. When I'm alone I get sad. But I have to remember it is the best decision. I was not right for you and you were not right for me and I've known that for awhile now but it didn't make it any easier to let you go. I wish it was summer so I could leave this town and all the memories I have in this room. That's when it hurts the most when I'm in this room. Today I haven't cried...I've only come close a couple times but it's a major improvement from the water works I had going on yesterday. If you are reading this thank you for sharing so many of my firsts with me and treating me with respect. I hope we can eventually get to that friend place but I don't think it's gonna happen for me for a while.
Alright so this is where I let you go.
This is where I stop thinking about the memories and I spend as little time in my room as possible and I dig into that school work that just sits in a pile. It was fun while it lasted one day I'll be able to look back and smile.
For now I need to forget......
cuz I'm in repair

I've seen better days

The weather matches my mood today.
It's been raining all day and I've been crying a lot.
I'm hurt but I know it's for the best. We had good times. It was a great learning experience and I don't regret it in the slightest. The friend thing will happen but not for awhile.
I'm digging myself into work because I have too much to do to sulk.
I know this is right and the best thing but it doesn't make it hurt any less.

Thank god for my friends. I don't know what I would do with out you.

I'm not gonna lie I'm gonna miss what we had.

Here's to the next chapter of my life. Embracing the challenges and appreciating what I have in life.

Inbetween here and there

Isn't it funny how we need the approval of others.....don't kid yourself people you know you do. As much as you'd like to think your opinion is the only one that matters it is only to an extent. With out some kind of positive encouragement would we have the motivation and the confidence to continue on?
I tried to tell myself I didn't care what my painting professor thought but every time he stepped up to my paintings in this semester....with that sigh and announcement "OK".... he then would take over my painting and fix the most horrendous parts and lecture me on how this relates to being a photographer. Well today he did that his usual couple times and then..... I took control of my painting. The next time he walked by he said 'don't touch that part'. I was shocked I said 'oh my god I finally did something right' and he laughed and walked away.
Now it's not that I wouldn't have been content with my painting if he hadn't felt it was good too but it definitely put a smile on my face and a little confidence behind my brush.
It's the same kind of thing with compliments. When someone out of no where compliments you on something it's just that feeling of satisfaction that something about you is right. If that makes sense.
My motivation to get things done this week has been next to none and for that I am going to pay in these next few weeks. Gotta finish my photo project tomorrow and this weekend. It's sad that there's not much enthusiasm behind that but it's becoming more comfortable.
It's almost time for Grey's....yes sadly my world does somewhat revolve around TV. (btw Lost was awesome last night)
Take care all you friends in all corners of the country :)

Another day

It's been a couple weeks since I last wrote and since I have about 10 min before I walk to class I'll waste some time here. The fam went to Florida last week and it looked something like this.
My camera was dead so I took a total of 10 pictures and only a few on staceys camera. Oh well it was a wonderful place to relax and kayak and hang out with the family.
Busy weeks ahead lots of papers and projects but my finals week doesn't look horrible. Then we are off to Boston, (we being stace, steph and i) and then I'm off to San Diego....what a life. I wish I was more excited for school to be over but I have too much to get done and some quality time to spend with someone special before we don't see eachother for a looong time. Ok that's pretty much what's up. Not the most exciting of blogs but I'm stifled for creativity at the moment.
More on this another day.
Peace AaaaND Love

HAPPY BIRTHDAY

My sis is 18 today! Happy birthday Linus I love you and miss you and I will be seeing you in less than a week and I can't wait.
I can't believe she is so old. I'm gonna be 20. Weird. Except I feel like I'm older because all my friends are older.


Stressful week. Almost everything is done except....Test Friday and Paper due next week. Then it's all about my first trip to Florida. It's been so incredibly nice here and I love it. I miss the warmth it makes me happy. I can't wait for this summer!!!!!!
It's gonna be hard to leave though.
<3

Things about to be improving these days

This post is dedicated to my friend Gwen. Thanks for pulling me out of it.
I lost myself recently.
I was rude and mean and gossipy. I got caught up in it. Not for me to get caught up in.
To anyone I said anything bad about I apologize.
I used to find the best in people and lately I've been picking at the worst.
There's nothing like a talk with an old friend to pull you out of it. Connecting with people is one of my most favorite things. When someone shares a feeling you feel so strongly...nothing better.
I'm going back to school tomorrow probably I haven't yet decided. But before I do I just want to belt out some songs like the good old days.
No more hatred. Just love.
For now I'm just gonna enjoy some Jackson Browne and watch the snow fall.

sometimes once is not enough

I was reading about the top ten wedding photographers in my American Photo. Who are all spectacular and I know idolize. Anyways, I came across this quote that was written by Anais Nin. And I thought how come that name is so damn familiar. Then a melody began in my head and Jewels voice started singing....'and you can be Henry Miller and I'll be Anias Nin.' I have sang this sung countless times and each time thought to myself 'I wonder who Anias Nin IS' Not only was I curious who this woman was because of that song but this was the quote "We don't see things as they are. We see things as we are." Intriguing thought. I like it. Turns out Ms. Nin is a French author most famous for her diaries and eroticism.... I'm interested now going to research more on this woman's life. Which would be incredibly logical for Jewel to reference her. I might have to look into reading something of hers.

Keep a fire burning in your eye

Home.
Restless.
Due to the fact that I've been confined to my house for the past few days. Saturday I came home from school later in the evening and Sunday I just laid low. Yesterday I woke up and that wonderful flu that's been making its way around finally made it's way into my body....not a fun experience. Today has been much better as I can eat...and we all know how much I love to do that :) My body aches and my stomach is still weak. The headache I acquired yesterday is still there and only shrinks in pain upon taking the advil.
TV has become too common of a thing. I know I needed a day of rest but three is a bit much. Tomorrow I am going to follow my mom to get her car fixed and then take a well deserved shopping extravaganza. Don't worry dad I'll spend my own money.
Oh the power of music. Sometimes I feel like my religion is music. There is almost nothing better than connecting with a song and just singing and being at perfect peace. I've been kind of blah since I came home. The pieces to my summer adventure are starting to fall into place. I am incredibly excited and extremely scared but I know this is going to be a once in a lifetime experience. I will be so much happier than if I would have stayed here. Not to say that there are not people I'm going to miss but in reality how often would have seen them anyways. Last summer I worked and slept and that was it. My cousins soon to be wife Katie just wrote me a comment on myspace and said how excited she was that I was coming. Sometimes I forget how the simplest act of kindness can brighten someones day. Smiles all around I'm off to try and stomach a grilled cheese. mmmmm

If I don't say this now I will surely break

When did life become so complicated? I am not the same person that I was 2 years ago. This is a good thing believe me.... but there is a certain innocence and unawareness about the world I miss a little. Not that I have lost any curiosity towards so much in this world but the more you live the more you learn. I don't expect to know everything. I believe there no right or wrong because there's always a little of both. With all the good things going on in my life I still can help but ask...is this what I want? Do I want to be in this state at this time still? Can I stay here for a few more years? There's so much I miss but I know going back won't immediately fill that void and potentially won't. I'm trying to appreciate what I have because I know it is far more than a lot. I'm tired of being superficial and talking shit...that needs to stop....find the good in the people because there is some there even if sometimes it is suppressed. I need to stop listening so much to what other people say and do what I believe because ultimately that is what makes me happy and what makes me....Me.
I am about to make my way back to Kutztown because I just can't get enough of that place. Just kidding of course....who would I be without my sarcasm...is that sad?
DESTINATIONS in KTOWN: weis, home, post office and wherever my camera takes me
DESTINATIONS this week: shopping for some type of clothing, manyunk with mom, NYC with the girls
The sun is shinning and although it's cold it feels like warmth is right around the corner. <3

All things must pass

Listening to: Concert for George
Includes wonderful artists like Tom Petty, Eric Clapton, Billy Preston, Paul McCartney, Ringo Starr and others including George's son Dhani Harrison.
Good album. good songs. good guy.
My favorite songs are Isn't a Pity and All Things Must Pass.

My room is halfway clean right now...the good news is the floor is vacuumed. I haven't made my way to the closet yet but that's quite a mess to tackle. Gym date with Steph at 3 (less than an hour) so we'll see what happens with this cleaning spree I almost had. My midterms are done and I can finally breathe again.
I was sitting in the library studying for my last one yesterday afternoon. I always sit in the little nooks by the windows with tables. I spread my stuff out, took off my shoes, got out my white cheddar popcorn and made myself comfy. After a few minutes I looked out the window and the snow that had been falling all morning was still lightly floating to the ground all around. I had one of those moments....when you just feel like you are in the right place at the right time. It was such a college experience and I love that.
I love it when my friends call me Al which they've been doing a lot lately out of no where.
Tomorrow we are going to Sushi, to a movie and Steph's friends are coming and we are all gonna have a grand old time. I am excited.
Happy almost friday all!

Destressing

It's been awhile...I've been busy with school and stressing my self out about stuff that I don't need to be stressed about. I've never been like that before...I mean I stress like the rest of the world but only when it's necessary. Oh well I needed this weekend to calm down and that I definitely did. Fun times at my house with the girls, wine and a scrumptious crab feast. I spent all day today painting and watching Entourage. Tomorrow is gonna be stressful but after Wednesday I'm pretty much done with school for about a week and a half.
It's my dish week and now I'm gonna do a sink full of dishes.
Just breathe.
Take it one day at a time.

<3<3

This is the Forcast

We all do things we regret. I regret some of the choices I've made but I wouldn't go back and change anything if I could. These mistakes are the things that make us grow and learn that maybe next time when a similar situation arises....we should try things differently.
I feel like I'm stuck. Stuck in a rut. Stuck in a monotonous way of life. Stuck with no words. I can't continue to live like this. For some of you reading this it might sound weird knowing that I can be really shy upon meeting new people....but I'm not always. The thing is I get restless. I don't like living the same day twice. I need to learn new things and I thought my classes would help in this...since I took them to fulfill interests I have. But it's not working I need more. I need to go places and do new things. I come from a small town with a city a boat ride away. I took advantage of that secluded area and focused inward and I regret that.....maybe that is something I would change. I wish I had gone to that city more and explored....because now I wish that city was a ferry boat away and I could explore. The good thing is Steph and Stacey like to explore too. Steph and Jack went to goggleworks yesterday in Reading...it sounds cool I wanna go. We tried to go to the crayola factory but the times didn't like us. Tonight I'm going to watch Jack's little brother Matt play basketball for Alvernia. I'm super excited. I like basketball. My schedule is full today and I like it that way but the one person I need to sort more things out with is not involved in these plans and for that I'm a little bit irritated.
I don't need to feel like I'm 2 inches tall anymore. I can't and I won't.