Just a thought

As my week at the beach comes to a conclusion I walked along the shore today to reflect a little. I've been feeling kinda unstable lately and I was definitely in need of this time here. 30 people I I'm related to somehow, constant food, a huge house, beach, a pool, a hot tub and some great conversation and laughs with cousin Debbie. What more to ask for.

Yesterday I was out by the ocean reading this Anne Lamott book I occasionally pick up called, Grace Eventually: Thoughts on Faith. It's full of short stories from her life experiences. The story I read the other day was all too appropriate for the week. It was about women and their bodies. She talked of how it took her until she was 40 to appreciate the body she had at 20. She talked about how as you get older you wear more to cover yourself up at the beach and rarely is it found that an older woman can walk confidently in her bikini. She recalled a woman on a beach that should be an inspiration to all. She was a larger woman who seemed unaware of that she was wearing a bikini. The confidence she exuded in her own skin made all those around her envious of that feeling.

In walking along the beach today I thought of the conversation I had with my buddy Jackie about how different our bodies were when we carelessly ran for hours in soccer games...sometimes there were up to 6 games a weekend. We talked about how we never thought of ourselves as skinny. Then after losing the muscle from no longer using them made it seem remarkable when we look back on those high school photos and we were those skinny or at least fit girls. So unlike Anne it only took us 3 years to realize what we had.

As I walked further down the beach...in my bikini might I add... I thought about how I didn't feel uncomfortable. My mom commented on how a young girl running out of the water looked me up and down. I joked that she must have realized she didn't have to be stick skinny to be happy. I walked with all the confidence I usually don't portray with my fire starting thighs, my thick legs, my flabby belly, and arms. And I thought about how no matter how many times I've casually said I would rather my body wasn't the way it is, I'm probably not going to do anything drastic enough to change it. Which ultimately, to me, means I am happy with the way I am and maybe one day I will be like that older woman strutting her stuff in the bikini.

Here's to all of you

I'm sitting in the office. I should be getting work done like ironing clothes or maybe even setting up a shot but I can't bring myself to do it. As it gets closer to my birthday I can't help but think about how good I have it. I'm so lucky in so many ways. So instead of focusing on the fact that Trumpet just waltzed himself in here and fed me the daily ego boosting story for himself in his gridded knit I'm going to remember that although it is rough to be here sometimes there's a lot of good things going for me here.
I'm going to think about:
The humorous rides to and from work with my dad and all his peacock charm.
The boy who dances thriller when he gets a few drinks in him and slow dances looking at me like there's no one else in the room.
The laugh at yourself until you cry moments with one of my favorite photo friends and PF ranting buddy.
My mom. Who although sounding and looking like she should curl up in a ball in her bed (who struggles most being here) gets through everyday still seeming like the strongest person in the world.
My sister, who is all grown up. And though we push each other's buttons often we can still find a time to laugh about things our parents do and chat about what's going on in each other's lives.
The roomies who although we haven't been seeing all that much of each other are willing to wander over the my backyard this weekend for the festivities (oh and the food).
To all the other friends around the country who help me get through the stupid shit and remember the import things or just listen to me vent while waiting for our photos to process in the complete dark.
Let's hope the weather holds up for the bonfire Friday :)