Thoughtful living

Post meltdown on my part, I have decided it might be good to focus on the positive in life more. I believe that this could be a useful tool to help me with that, as I am able to catalog my accomplishments and reference them in times of sorrow. (And believe me there always are times of sorrow, just hoping to make those times a bit more scarce).

As per my request my mother and sister joined me at the movies tonight to see Julie and Julia. It was magnificent! The costumes, the sets, the acting, I loved it all. I laughed and laughed and a smile rarely disapeared from my face. The way those women live/lived, independence is important but true love to help you through the rough times and share in the laughs. What a blessing. Crammed in a Queens studio apartment above a pizzeria, in a foreign country being mocked at your lack of cooking skills, it sure makes you feel like you can overcome many things. That's where I am at right now. Reaching for the stars but not so far my mind gets carried away, enjoying life, relishing in the positive for there is so much around.

As we were driving home and I was looking at the moon I couldn't help but think about when I was younger and the moon was always a thing Ifelt others were looking at at that exact time. In such a big world it was a chance to feel close to others. I read once that someone always thought about how the right person for you could be looking at the moon at the same time as you... for some reason this stuck. Many other things did not.

I'm learning lessons I possibly should have learned earlier but it wasn't the right time, I wasn't ready. Do you ever feel that you aren't meant to find things when you are looking for them? I came inside last night to do some push ups on the carpet in the living room and there I was after barely any collapsing with a thud to the floor and breathing heavily when I saw it. My one missing croc that I have been looking for...for quite some time now. My mom says when you start finding things it means you are on the right track in life and I have to say, I sure feel that way. It's an uphill climb with maybe a few plateaus but I know I am ready to get back to just living.

I wanna just be me again. Whoever that is.