Once again it's been a bit since I've written but there have been some other things that were a bit more important than dissing my thoughts and life out on here. I started the semester last week with a bang. While I'm excited for some of my classes it's busy. When I'm not in class I'm at work, driving or eating before I pass out from exhaustion. It makes an interesting time though. I put so much time into my work while I was in Rome...nothing else to really do during the week. I had forgotten how nice that was. So with this busy time it makes it difficult to find time to hang out with people. I'm sure it will get easier. I'm working really hard on focusing on now. I like my mother love to have something to look forward to and I thin I need to find joy in looking forward to smaller things in the closer future. Graduation will come too soon and I will have to be too much of an adult than I would like to be. I know it's the right thing to do in these times but I can't help thinking something will be missing....

Ok getting a little too into that thought. I have to get myself together now. A long overdue shower needs to be taken and I gotta get some stuff together to give to the goodwill, figure out what I want to do with my photo life this semester and maybe if I'm lucky find a coat rack to continue with the constant organization of my room.

I'm back....2009 style

I know it's been a long time since writing last. But to be honest there has not been a place for this in my life recently. My thoughts were too much my own to share. I spent a wonderfully challenging 3 and a half months in Rome, Italy. I overcame more than I ever thought I could and I grew a lot in directions I was not expecting to. Life has a funny way of throwing things at you that had nothing to do with expectations. "Here see how you can handle this one" Sometimes that's what it feels like. As I start this new year I want to start writing more....although maybe not always on here. I think it is important that I get my thoughts out, because as some of you may know...my thoughts are not always clear to even me. They take some coaxing out. I am looking to this year to challenge myself to continue to grow in ways I know I have been slowing branching out towards in my mind and turning those thoughts into actions. Since I have been back I have been very busy. I had a lot of catching up to do. The strange thing is it felt like I was stuck a little bit. I spent these last few months learning more than I think I have ever learned in such a short span. I ventured out into areas of an ancient city that were not so ancient anymore and some places that retained that magical quality. I want to explore the world around me here in the way that I did Rome. Now this might be a bit difficult considering many of my explorations were planned by informed practically natives of the city but none the less this is the challenge I propose to myself. In a very short time things will be picking up tremendously only to consume many of my creative thoughts as they typically do but I will fight them to keep myself here. I know that I must live here indefinitely because of financial stability and for that I must make the best of it. I think I've lost some of my positivity and adopted a bit of some bugs outlook and I would like to help that bug get to a place I remember so fondly but seldom remember to think about. Thinking this way saves me and I think it could save this bug too. So here is to a beginning of the next chapter....bring it on. I know it won't be easy but that does not mean it cannot be moved through with a smile and some chocolate and other good things too. I guess this means officially....I'M BACK!

I've been slacking..I know. But I figured what a better time to write than when you are putting off homework. So here's an update on what happens around the city of Roma. I wake up rather early every weekday except friday and im gone from the apartment usually from 8-7 depending on whether i stay and work in the darkroom or have talk or am going to gallery openings. Classes are mostly great except a few. I'm severely struggling in Italian which I should be studying for now. I'm not so great at languages though but I am trying really hard. We've been in galleries, museums and exhibitions all over the city. It's a fun city. At the moment I'm feeling kinda sick. Most everyone in the program has been sick so far and I guess it's about time. So I went on a walk around areas of the city with liana and michael today then made my way home while they went to the studio to recover before the family comes next weekend. I cannot wait!

14 miles

14 miles. That's how far I walked today. 14 miles around the ancient walls of Rome. 8 hours. 2 short breaks. Hills and down hills and rainstorms. It was long. In the end I signed a piece of paper to signify my accomplishment and grabbed my free fanta and headed to the packed metro...where still I was unable to sit down. My legs hurt more that they ever did even after two soccer games in one day. Although the truth is that pain is so distant now it could have possibly hurt more.

Today marks the end of week two here. It's been busy and only to get busier. But this is a good thing because it will make time pass and fill it with fun experiences.

For now.... a hot bed and relaxation.

One word at a time.

I know all my loving fans are dying for a new post, pictures included, but the sad truth is that this computer will not read my external hardrive. So I'll have to bring my laptop in sometime, but the issue with that is that I don't have a bag to carry it in....just full of problems.

Short update though:
Classes started this week. They are small...only 6 in my photo class. A welcome change from Kutztown.
My Italian professor only speaks to us in Italian and it's the most exhausting hour of my day.
It feels much more comfortable here. Riding the metro, the bus and walking don't seem like a huge deal.
It's still difficult at times but I'm trying to remain positive and get the most out of the experience.
Off to catch a bus and stop at a pizza shop for dinner with Liana.
Ciao :)

just another manic monday

First week of Rome completed. It's starting to feel more comfortable here. I get homesick often but I'm so busy most of the time it goes away quickly.

Today is the first day of classes. I don't start till 2. So I'm spending my time around the apartment. Our tv should be fixed at some point today and then I can learn some Italian through watching it. For now I'm just trucking along. I made myself eggs on the evil stove. It's a gas stove and I burn myself every single time I use it. There was a woman in here cleaning earlier and another came in to fix our curtain because it wouldn't close. They are such nice little ladies. Always saying Ciao.

Thinking good thoughts for my mom and her week alone with the pups.
And for Denis as he's turning things around so he can prove people wrong.
And for dad in China.
And for Lin in California...it's always a struggle with the crazy family she's surrounded by, but you gotta love um.

I'll write more at school and post some pics.

First few days in Rome

This seems to be all the photos my finicky internet will allow me to add for now. They are only around the apartment and not the greatest things since I sort of just quickly took them when we got here. I'll take more and better one's soon. Maybe of the cool yellow gate that surrounds the windows and door to the patio. I'm not gonna sugar coat this because it is definitely harder than anything I've done but I will say I'm trying to just take it a day at a time so as to not overwhelm myself. As I type the Italian maids are in my apartment...a little awkward since I don't know how long they will be here and if they plan on taking the sheets I am currently sitting on. Anyways so here's the tour in short.


This is Liana on our very uncomfortable couch.

This is the bathroom with cute designs on the tiles. Note the little button way above to toilet to flush.

Not sure what she was doing here. Side note I think the neighbors are playing opera. hmm.
Anyways that's the small kitchen, there is a door to close it on the left there...in case you don't want anyone to see your dirty dishes.

This is across from the couch. Small tv. Little round table. Nice little hang out.

This is where Liana and I sleep. Small uncomfortable beds but it will do. We are pretty much unpacked and amazed that it all fits here.

More later....
Ciao

In Limbo

It's a strange place being on the edge of a life changing adventure and stuck waiting for it to happen. I've been driving here and there and everywhere this week trying to pull my mess of a self together. It gets scarier as it gets closer. A talk with my fellow traveler today lifted my spirits and rejuvenated my faith in myself.

Sure there's doubts but they fall quickly behind the excitement.

It's getting harder to sleep. Even if you hadn't been snoring in my ear last night I probably still would have been stirring just as much.

Frank from Post Secret unsettled some dust that tends to find it's place in all the crevasses in my simple thinking brain. It was needed. I needed a reminder of how close we all are and how many struggles we have are shared by strangers all around us. There were some very brave people in that audience.

I'm gonna miss this precious time I've been spending with my mom. I hope she find joy in the things around her.

sigh...
ok i'm out of brain power. it's been quite a day. hopefully the sleep will come easier tonight.

IIIIIIII'm Back!

At the request of a certain hot blond from socal I decided to write a long overdue post. I spruced up the page a bit too as you can see... it needed a make over. So as of tomorrow I have exactly 2, count um...2 weeks until my flight to Rome. My emotions are mixed but far from none. This whole thing has caused me many stressful situations and feelings this summer, which has partly been my reason for the recent intermission. I figure I'll fill you in on the haps in the two weeks preceding as well as my explorations during my stay...pictures included.

As of now, I'm extremely nervous for this whole thing. I have so much left to do before leaving. Things to square away and pack and such. Although my insides rarely sit still I am rather excited about this whole adventure as well.

As for now..... I'm planning on denying the amount I have to do and escaping into the never ending references to pop culture and witty remarks of the Gilmore Girls...I'm on episode 13 of season 2.

Goodnight all :)

Just a thought

As my week at the beach comes to a conclusion I walked along the shore today to reflect a little. I've been feeling kinda unstable lately and I was definitely in need of this time here. 30 people I I'm related to somehow, constant food, a huge house, beach, a pool, a hot tub and some great conversation and laughs with cousin Debbie. What more to ask for.

Yesterday I was out by the ocean reading this Anne Lamott book I occasionally pick up called, Grace Eventually: Thoughts on Faith. It's full of short stories from her life experiences. The story I read the other day was all too appropriate for the week. It was about women and their bodies. She talked of how it took her until she was 40 to appreciate the body she had at 20. She talked about how as you get older you wear more to cover yourself up at the beach and rarely is it found that an older woman can walk confidently in her bikini. She recalled a woman on a beach that should be an inspiration to all. She was a larger woman who seemed unaware of that she was wearing a bikini. The confidence she exuded in her own skin made all those around her envious of that feeling.

In walking along the beach today I thought of the conversation I had with my buddy Jackie about how different our bodies were when we carelessly ran for hours in soccer games...sometimes there were up to 6 games a weekend. We talked about how we never thought of ourselves as skinny. Then after losing the muscle from no longer using them made it seem remarkable when we look back on those high school photos and we were those skinny or at least fit girls. So unlike Anne it only took us 3 years to realize what we had.

As I walked further down the beach...in my bikini might I add... I thought about how I didn't feel uncomfortable. My mom commented on how a young girl running out of the water looked me up and down. I joked that she must have realized she didn't have to be stick skinny to be happy. I walked with all the confidence I usually don't portray with my fire starting thighs, my thick legs, my flabby belly, and arms. And I thought about how no matter how many times I've casually said I would rather my body wasn't the way it is, I'm probably not going to do anything drastic enough to change it. Which ultimately, to me, means I am happy with the way I am and maybe one day I will be like that older woman strutting her stuff in the bikini.

Here's to all of you

I'm sitting in the office. I should be getting work done like ironing clothes or maybe even setting up a shot but I can't bring myself to do it. As it gets closer to my birthday I can't help but think about how good I have it. I'm so lucky in so many ways. So instead of focusing on the fact that Trumpet just waltzed himself in here and fed me the daily ego boosting story for himself in his gridded knit I'm going to remember that although it is rough to be here sometimes there's a lot of good things going for me here.
I'm going to think about:
The humorous rides to and from work with my dad and all his peacock charm.
The boy who dances thriller when he gets a few drinks in him and slow dances looking at me like there's no one else in the room.
The laugh at yourself until you cry moments with one of my favorite photo friends and PF ranting buddy.
My mom. Who although sounding and looking like she should curl up in a ball in her bed (who struggles most being here) gets through everyday still seeming like the strongest person in the world.
My sister, who is all grown up. And though we push each other's buttons often we can still find a time to laugh about things our parents do and chat about what's going on in each other's lives.
The roomies who although we haven't been seeing all that much of each other are willing to wander over the my backyard this weekend for the festivities (oh and the food).
To all the other friends around the country who help me get through the stupid shit and remember the import things or just listen to me vent while waiting for our photos to process in the complete dark.
Let's hope the weather holds up for the bonfire Friday :)

Took this when we were playing house. Thought I'd share.
<3

A little drive through the country side

I've joined the early morning working world.

And the surprising thing is....it wasn't too painful. I say that now as I'm only an hour into my day... we'll see what happens later. My reasons for doing this were two. One: more hours=more money to spend in Rome. Two: carpooling with dad makes for an interesting morning ride though the country side in an Audi and saves money I would be spending on gas.. which means more money for Rome. But really it will be good for me. I love my sleep but it's not too painful to drag my ass out of bed in the morning like it is for some people i know (cough cough...olive pocket). At least you have made peace with your habits.

What a place to live. One minute the cars are flying by you on the highway and a quick turn to the right and the hills begin to roll and the little red school houses, farm houses and cows pop up out of no where. It's something I never thought I'd say that I like but it is true I do. It reminds me of the simple life we tend to forget about when everything is at your finger tips through globalized communication. It's those moments when I can get in touch with the simple joys of life that I am happiest. These days I spend less time on the computer, less time watching tv....and the next step is to detach my cell phone from my hip...which I'm hoping won't be too hard.

It's been fun waking up next to you. I'm sad it's almost over.

Happy Memorial Day weekend all!

This is where we go our separate ways

Almost three years ago I was lucky enough to meet the three lovely girls above.
A year later Ms. Stephie was introduced to the bunch.


We've been through our fair share of drunken nights together, tears, laugher, and grown a whole lot in that time. They helped me come out of my shell. They helped me become the person I am today.

Stacey, Jen and Steph graduate tomorrow and begin there lives officially as adults. Stacey has a potential job offer working for a greeting card company that is just her style. Jen has a starting job working with delinquent boys :) Steph is moving to Boston in the fall to start another grand adventure. And good ole Tannah has another year of school to go.

I want all of you girls to know that I've had so much fun with you over these last few years. I hope we keep in touch. You've all been wonderful friends. I'm sorry if in the last few months I haven't been the best friend.

We have so many good memories to cherish. That I will remember forever. MWAH to you all.

Sunshine :)

Tuesday was voting day! I was jazzed from the moment I woke up. The night before I had finally made my decision on who to vote for. Mom and I went to Hope Church (which I found quite appropriate) it was empty and the voting went quickly. We took a photo together before we went I'll post it later. It was a good day. For the day everything was balanced and I even sat through night class with a smile on my face most of the time. That night I came home to an empty house and flipped between CNN, the Flyers game, and American Idol (at the suggestion of my mother, it was Andrew Loyd Webber night). The Flyers won and my girl Hilary won as well :)
Later I joined a few of the roommates and their friends from work at Snuzzles, it was so fun. I'm definitely making my way there again.
I'm so happy to be in this good place right now. As the year comes to an end I can only get exciting about the summer because there are way too many fun things to look forward to.

Stop and Stare

My mommy always told me for as long as I can remember that around my birthday I changed the most every year. For some reason it seems to be true. I think there is something about getting to the end of the school year and moving towards new things that makes it happen. With all the craziness that's gone on in school this year it only makes the summer seem that much brighter. Plus I feel like I have accomplished some work I'm truly proud about. I mean I'm no Ansel Adams but I'm working on that balance of concept and visual greatness that makes something truly great. Who knows if I'll ever get there.
I've been doing a lot of thinking today about past friendships and even some that have just weakened since the end of high school. It's sad how that happens. But I get excited that I have the opportunity to get a little touch into there new lives through facebook. I was looking through the photo album from one of my bestest friends from high school and I noticed the cell phone in her hand. It sparked an interesting thought. When you around people you get excited about new things they get and you know things about them that others wouldn't know. Just little thinks like the common phrase they always use...that changes as time goes and a better one comes along. So I sat there looking at this photo thinking..."I don't know her anymore." I have a feeling she's grown into the person I hoped she would grow into. She seems much more confident, comfortable with herself, and loving life. I think we were both in similar situations upon graduating. We just needed to bust out of our shells. I sure know I've done that and I believe she has too. I'm looking back on those days fondly and hoping that at some point we can catch up a bit.
After that thought lets just cherish the past, look forward to the future, but live in the moment. ;)

Spring

I'm starting to suck at keeping this updated but truthfully for the first time in my life pretty much every hour of my day is occupied. I mean I've had busy times but this is insane. Too much. I'm beginning to get overwhelmed. To the point even where I told my photo professor in an individual meeting today. She reacted quite well actually. I expected a kind of 'welcome to adulthood' as my father had said to me the day before but she actually got a convincing concerned look on her face and said 'well, let me know how I can help you get through the semester'. I had previously showed her my portfolio I sent to Temple. After letting her in on the good news today she jumped around a bit and got very excited for me. It was a welcome reaction.
What a week it has already been. I lost my debit card and had them cancel it and send me a new one. Which was much less painless than I thought. Although now I'm stuck doing things the old fashion way and actually making friends with my bank teller. Which truthfully wouldn't be that big of a problem if the bank hours were not as ridiculously short as they are in this quaint town. And now being the lazy people avoiding person that I am, I am forced to pay cash at the counter to buy gas instead of simple swiping a card and entering a 4 digit pin. Now I can eat a few more potato chips after burning off those extra few calories making my way to the counter inside.
With the first day of spring around the corner I can only assume that my mood will improve due specifically to the weather because the stress of school work is not slowing down anytime soon. But I hear once these years are over I will miss them. I'll take your word for it wise old owls.
Enjoy the spring showers.

A Snippet from an Email from my Mom

On a positive note, I've learned that, no matter what happens,

how bad it seems today, life does go on, and it will be better tomorrow.

I've learned that you can tell a lot about a person by the way he/she handles four things:

a rainy day, the elderly, lost luggage, and tangled Christmas tree lights.

I've learned that, regardless of your relationship with your parents,

you'll miss them when they're gone from your life.

I've learned that making a 'living' is not the same thing as making a 'life..'

I've learned that life sometimes gives you a second chance.

I've learned that you shouldn't go through life with a catcher's mitt on both hands.

You need to be able to throw something back

I've learned that if you pursue happiness, it will elude you

But, if you focus on your family, your friends, the needs of others,

your work and doing the very best you can, happiness will find you

I've learned that whenever I decide something with an open heart, I usually make the right decision.

I've learned that even when I have pains, I don't have to be one.

I've learned that every day, you should reach out and touch someone.
People love that human touch -- holding hands, a warm hug, or just a friendly pat on the back.

I've learned that I still have a lot to learn.

She's Only Happy in the Sun

Expectations. I should never have them and for the most part I don't. Disappointment is always just around the corner. Besides the wonderful lunch I had with my mom today, I've felt very alone and longing for some west coastness. Dunno why. So after seeing The Bucket List tonight and I first I thought I'd write one but then I realized....I already have. About a year or so ago I began writing one. It's long. Today I even added a few more and some of the one's I previously wrote should now be crossed off.

o TRAVEL

· INDIA

· AFRICA

· GREECE

· AS MANY EUROPEAN COUNTRIES AS POSSIBLE

· TIBET

· HONG KONG/TOKYO

· AUSTRALIA

· NEW ZEALAND

· BRITISH COLOMBIA

o ROAD TRIP UP THE WEST COAST-MUST SEE SAN FRANSICO

o LIVE IN OREGON

o LIVE IN A FOREIGN COUNTRY

o GO ROCK CLIMBING

o HELP BUILD A HOUSE (AGAIN)

o LIVE/WORK ON A FARM AND DUDE RANCH FOR A WEEK

o LIVE IN A CITY

o PLAY GOLF

o SWIM WITH DOLPHINS

o WALK DOWN ABBEY ROAD

o GO IN A HELICOPTER

o GO SAILING

o SLAP SOMEONE REALLY HARD ACROSS THE FACE

o LEARN HOW TO DRIVE STICK

o RIDE A CAMEL AND AN ELEPHANT

o LEARN ANOTHER LANGUAGE

o DONATE BLOOD

o WATCH THE SUNRISE ON A MOUNTAIN AND A BEACH

o ADOPT A BABY/HAVE A BABY

o GET A TATTOO

o SEE A TORNADO

o GO ON A WEEK LONG TRIP TO CHRISTMAS MEADOWS DEDICATED ONLY TO FISHING AND WALK UP TO MY DAD’S FAVORITE LAKE

o GO IN A HOT AIR BALLOON

o GO PARASAILING

o ATTEMPT TO SNOWBOARD AND SURF

o SWIM IN A HOT SPRING

o BUY A HYBRID

o BUY A SMALL TRUCK

o GO TO WATCH THE OLYMPICS

o LEARN THE RULES OF CURLING

o FIND A JOB THAT I LOVE

o SEE THE NORTHERN LIGHTS

o TAKE SALSA DANCING LESSONS

o TAKE BALLET CLASSES

o TAKE A YOGA CLASS

o HAVE A PHOTO I’VE TAKEN IN A MAGAZINE

o LIVE ON A BOAT FOR A MONTH

o LEARN HOW TO WATER SKI

o GROW A GARDEN

o LEARN HOW TO PLAY A COMPLETE SONG ON THE PIANO

o LIVE IN A SMALL TOWN WHERE I CAN WALK OR RIDE A BIKE TO EVERYTHING I NEED FOR AT LEAST A YEAR

o LEARN HOW TO MAKE CHOCOLATE SUFFLE

o HAVE MY PORTRAIT PAINTED

o BE AN EXTRA IN A FILM

o FALL DEEPLY IN LOVE—HOPELESSLY AND UNCONDITIONALLY

o SIT ON A JURY

o BUY A VERY EXPENSIVE BUT BEAUTIFUL DRESS—RED CARPET WORTHY----AND FIND SOMEWHERE TO WEAR IT TOO

o PUT TOGETHER A COOKBOOK WITH ALL MY OLD FAMILY RECIPES

o CREATE A TRAVEL GUIDE EQUIPPED WITH MUSIC LIKE THE ONE IN ELIZABETHTOWN

o GO TO THE TOP OF THE SPACE NEEDLE(FINALLY)

o EXPERIENCE 24 HOURS OF SUNSHINE AND DARKNESS

o SING AT A KARAOKE BAR

o RIDE IN A HORSE DRAWN SLEIGH

o HAVE MY PALM READ

o LEARN TO BLOW GLASS

o SAVE A LIFE

o BE IN A TV SHOW AUDIENCE- TALK SHOW AND SITCOM

o GO CLUB HOPPING AND DANCE. DANCE. DANCE

o GO TO THE TOP OF THE EMPIRE STATE BUILDING

o PLAY WITH A MONKEY

o SEE THE DALI LAMA

o GROW A SUNFLOWER GARDEN

o SERENADE SOMEONE

o LEARN MORE ABOUT MY FAMILY’S HISTORY

o TRAIN TO BE APART OF BIKE AND BUILD

o DO MORE CHARITABLE THINGS

o MAKE PEOPLE SMILE

o HUG PEOPLE MORE

o HATE LESS/ JUDGE LESS/ BE LESS FRUSTRATED

o OWN MY OWN BUSINESS

o ATTEND A PRESIDENTIAL RALLY

o TAKE A COOKING CLASS

o BAKE AND DECORATE AN AMAZING CAKE

o PHOTOGRAPH A WEDDING

I'm definitely a dreamer I know. I'm sure more will be added as time passes and hopefully the same about will be check off. Well that's it for now. I'm gonna do the daily online puzzle and majong because everyone else is out having fun. So this is my replacement. Goodnight.

Another Ramble

Lazy Sunday, it's only 10 in the morning and I'm already feeling restless. Maybe it's just the excitement that today isn't the final day of the weekend or maybe it's the fact that I have a list of things to get done before I crawl in bed Monday night. Even when it seems like there's nothing to do there is always something looming in the back of my mind. Like those taxes for two states I have to do. One of which I still haven't received my W2s from. Another day, another time.
As Ellen Degeneres would tell me: Procrastinate Now, Don't Wait.
By the way. Dyed my hair darker again and I think I'm liking in. Don't worry mom it's not black.
Take it easy all.