Pretty little bird sat on my window. Told me I don't need to worry.

Tomorrow is February.

Life flies by so fast. The moments you want to hold on too don't always slow down enough for you to enjoy them.

Lately we've been getting flurries all the time and just a little snow will stick.....it makes me happy. I would like just one big snow though with a cancelled day of classes....a big snow ball fight with all the neighbors and then some good hot chocolate like the kind Denis let me and Stace have yesterday...mmm.

I made it to the gym with Steph and Jen yesterday. Steph woke me up from my power nap by flicking my light on and off...she makes me laugh everyday. Then we convinced ourselves going to the gym was a good thing. We ran a mile and I did 170 sit ups and now I feel like I should have a six pack.....not quite, that will never happen. We are going to look at a house today and I'm excited because this is probably our last chance to get out of the cliffs....either way I'm happy. It's not like I can go to the bar anyways :(

I almost fell asleep in my photo class yesterday....I could have passed out in that chair for a good 2 hours. It's only because I slept at Denis' and Parke woke me up singing at 6 in the morning....that would drive me nuts I don't know how he deals with it every morning. Then I slept badly after that and finally got up and walked in the cold to painting. Jenna never misses class....she's neurotic like that.. and she wasn't there I hope she's ok.

Alright I must get ready to engage my mind in some religious philosophical thoughts.
All I wanna do is take pictures.

:P

Old Picture

<3 you make me smile

Slow down you crazy child

It's Wednesday already. Monday I found myself sitting around and feeling like something was missing. I get homesick every once in awhile. I don't necessarily mean for my 'home' here, I mean for the west. I've probably talked about this numerous times but it's something I think about more than people realize. I feel I was meant to be here for now but I get thinking about my coast and I miss it. This semester is everything I want it too be....interesting and challenging but I still find myself complaining about class. Then I realize what the hell am I complaining about....There's nothing worse than sitting in a class and counting down the minutes. I'm trying to live in the now because later will come soon enough. I'm enjoying my classes a lot and I really like being here but I'm so excited for this summer I just want to skip over this semester...weird.
I am so blessed. I have more than a person could ask for and when I find myself in those moments where I can't help but just feel sad I can only wonder WHY.
So I went home for dinner last night. I was just what I needed. Mom and I went in the hot tub and just talked about stuff...I don't know what I'd do without you mom. Don't worry we'll make it back to San Diego :)
I have class in a bit for 4 and a half hours then I'm gonna try and get to the gym because my body needs it badly. When I get back I'm going to relax and go to sleep early because 8am's are killing me. Hopefully I get to see you today.

Seems like nothing is black and white anymore,
shades of gray and
I feel a weight over my shoulder
it's tough gettin older

Seems like nothing is black and white anymore

Listening to: Colbie Caillat.
I've been listening to her a lot lately because she has a gorgeous voice. She's got that whole I'm just a girl with a guitar feel....love it. You can find her on myspace...which is where I discovered her. good stuff.

Ok so I should be reading for my religious studies class but I haven't written in awhile because the first week of school was nutso. I think I'm going to enjoy all of my classes and they are gonna challenge me in the way that I need. Knowledge is power. mwhahahaaa. :)

Yesterday the Stace, Steph, Jack and I piled in a car and tried to make our way to watchThis guy play hockey. After getting lost for a good 20 minutes made our way toward the sovereign center while the snow was falling. Steph and I had never watched a hockey game before and I've gotta say I would watch more. It was fun. The guys get so into it and go after each other instead of the puck...Stacey loved it haha. Anyway they won, it was awesome.
Off to another week of classes...just taking it a day at a time.

Drunken Blog

Back at schooooool! I love it. I love my friends and the laughs. We sit around and talk about stupid shit that we find important and as weird as it is it brings us closer. We got drunk tonight and watched finding nemo and aladdin......good times. This semester is gonna be a challenge in a good way and I'm excited! Ok I will def write more tomorrow when im in the right mind set but I just want to say that I love my friends for all that they are!!!!!! Keep smiling because we are living the good life.
<3

Pages turning...

Listening to:

My mom's favorite is Jackson Browne. His voice is so beautiful though and I've grown to really like his music over the years. It's comforting and true poetry.
Though we struggle to define ourselves separately from our parents, little things that they do or say inevitably find their way into our being and everyday life.

I woke up around 10:30 this morning after hiding under a pillow to dodge the sun attacking me through the window and the restlessness of my dogs, ready to start the day. After feeding them I wandered back to my parents room with some chessmen cookies and a big glass of pineapple orange juice to enjoy a little Gilmore Girls banter. A short while later, I dressed and wandered around outside with the boys and found myself sitting on a bench looking across the valley, pondering what I was going to do with the rest of my day. After rescheduling my classes (so I now only have one early morning!) I jumped into pool, swam for awhile and then just floated. I miss the ocean. I can't wait to live close by this summer...oh how I wish it was a few months from now. Well anyways... after swimming I went and made some deviled eggs because I've never done it before and I'm trying to expand my cooking horizons. I took my eggs back to my parents room and watched Nanny McPhee. It was quite cute.

Sometimes I think I'm too much of a dreamer. I wish I was able to live in the present better than I do. I'm so indecisive. I hate that about myself and my nervous energy drives me crazy sometimes. I get restless so easy and all I want to do is just DRIVE....anywhere. Sometimes I wish I could speak like I write. I miss the ease of the west coast very badly right now and I miss my sister a lot...more than she'll ever know.

Still thinking good thoughts from Grandpa Doug.
Gonna go sing and play some spider solitaire.

The times they are a changin'

There hits a certain point in a girls life where the home she grew up in is no longer her home. Now I'm a special case because I had a young childhood home, a pre-teen/early teen home, and a later teen home. So I've never had that exact point where you realize the house you grew up in is no longer your house but if I still lived in the same house I spent those awkward young years in I think that feeling would be equivalent to what I feel now.

When I come home it's wonderful to have home cooked meals, dishes done unless I'm asked to do them, and a clean house....besides those areas that I chose to dwell in. What I'm really trying to say is that the luxuries of home life at this point don't out weigh the freedom and experimental times of the college life. So basically. I'm ready to go back to school.
I'm taking all classes I have an interest in this semester and although they will be challenging I'm more excited than nervous. I don't think people realize how much I actually like learning. In fact I find ways to do it on a daily basis. I'm a curious person and I think that's a good quality to have.

Wednesday morning before the sunrises and most of the people that read this blog have just fallen asleep, my parents will be on their way to the airport to catch a flight to Bountiful, Utah where my dad grew up. Best wishes to my grandpa and also my dad's side of the family in mending relationships. While my jet setter parents are off in the land of snowy mountains and trees, I will be here with my pups and whoever decides to come visit. I'm looking forward to the solitude and dreading it a little because this house was meant for more than just a couple people and even so....I will need to get out and do something soon because I've spent a lot of nothing hours here. Mum and pop return on Saturday and the next day I'll pack up my shit in my lovely clean car (which I don't know if I mentioned before, is clean now and there will be no more smoking in...sorry Stace) and I will find my way back to my little apartment in the cliffs!

So good luck to everyone in this new semester in all the struggles that you encounter, may you find happiness in the simple pleasures of life to get you through the day.

I have this thing for roofs

First of all I know none of these people/cats in these photos. Although I do know the first one is in Milan and the second somewhere in Britain.
When I was younger I'd crawl out my window and sit on my roof. I don't know why but I always felt calm and happy when I'd just go out there and stare at the world from another view.
Now I wish I could view the world and capture what I see with my camera. There are so many places I want to go in my life before I chose one.
I watched this documentary on Annie Leibovitz yesterday. She is one of the most interesting people. She's a photographer who started out at Rolling Stone when the mag was just beginning. She eventually started shooting for Vogue and Vanity Fair. She's probably the most famous celebrity photographer. That cover of Demi Moore when she was pregnant was one of her most famous. The picture that struck me the most was this one of John Lennon and Yoko Ono.
This is a bad quality photo. It was taken 4 hours before he was murdered. How powerful is that. It's so strong too with the contrast between his body and her dark clothes. God I love photography.
I went to this new restaurant called Melt with my parents today. SO GOOD.
click that link and go to dine and click on the melt page then view melt online and you can see some gorgeous pics of this beautiful place.
Going to see Dreamgirls again with my mum tomorrow!
I'm so addicted to that soundtrack...don't worry Tannah Eileen I'm burning them discs for ya.

living in the moment

Happy New year everyone...a little late I know but I've actually had enough of a life lately that I haven't really had time to write.
New years was so much fun. I went and picked up tneme and we drove out to school and partied with the cool kids we are friends with. :P It was weird to be back in my apartment with none of the roomies (well till stace got there) Thanks for the not Steph it put smiles on all our faces...too bad we didn't run into you the next day. Anyways it was a really good time. I was so tired I went home and slept for 14 hours.
I'm so excited because it is confirmed that I am living in Point Loma this summer!!!!!!!!! I didn't know if it would work out but it looks like it will perfectly. I will be living in the one room apartment behind one of my mom's best friends who I love dearly. There's a picture of her on my first post. It was her house in New York that I went to visit with my mom. I could not be more excited right now! Now I just have to get on that job thing and make a resume and ship it off to the nordy's folks and other places. And the car situation will be figured out later.
Now I'm home for awhile with the parents and then they head to bountiful to visit grandpa Doug. But some one's coming to keep me company and I'm nothing but smiles about that.
Can't even wait :)

So I leave with this advice I read on John Mayer's blog because it's been awhile since I've actually read it.
" What makes life so compelling is that nobody can avoid that darkness - I know I won't - but in the moments when things fall into place, they are to be enjoyed as much for what they are as for what they won't be someday...And that's what I've been learning lately. My new mantra: 'While you were, say you did.' "

I finally finished!

I've been reading this book for probably six months now and I'm ecstatic to say I'm finally finished. It was a fabulous book full of stories about this unique character through the eyes of his best friend. I'm all into these religious ties in life so that's probably why I enjoyed it. Definitely recommend reading it though. I just want to share this one quote from it that struck me for some reason. "If you care about something, you have to protect it-- if you're lucky enough to find a way of life you love, you have to find the courage to live it."
Anyways its new years eve and I'm getting together with my bestest east coast friends minus payonk who's staying in the Poconos and will be missed. It should be a blast. I've missed them all so much.
HAPPY NEW YEAR ALL!

RIP Grandma LaRue

Today is the 20 anniversary of my grandma LaRue's death. She died a little over 5 months before I was born from diabetes. Today my parent's and I went to NYC to go to MOMA. We stopped at a diner right off of times square and my mom mentioned this to me. She said when she attended her funeral the bishop was talking about how her soul and mine were probably meeting in passing. I've always felt an strong connection with that name although not knowing the person it was passed on from. I feel that without knowing her we do share something more than blood. Hopefully I carry on her name honorably. One day I hope to pass it on to one of my children, I think it is so pretty.
Above is a picture of Christmas Meadows in Utah. My father's family used to go up there in the summertime as kids. They continued the tradition on as they grew older and after LaRue passed. In more recent years the siblings began to bring their children. I have been lucky enough to experience the magic of this place.
We would stay for somewhere between 2-4 days. There was a lot of fishing and card playing. One year my dad and I walked up and down the river fishing and we stopped at this one bank to have a snack... I remember they were those strawberry fruit snacks. He talked about staying there as a kid in a cabin across the river that a family friend owned instead of the campground where we then stayed. He rarely talked to me about life with his family because he is different from them and doesn't like to revisit some of that past. He spoke of how his mother rarely came out to fish but he remembered her one day just across the bank. And he pointed and this wind blew and hit the grass right where I had imagined her standing. He told me how she didn't get out there to fish with the boys often but when she did she enjoyed it.
It's my dad's favorite place in the world and possibly mine as well. Hopefully we can make it back there soon and I know grandma LaRue will always be watching us fish there.
I wish that this holiday season my dad's family could mend their relationships not to be an incredibly close knit family but to at least have no anger towards one another. If not for the sake of each other than at least for my grandpa in his last years and lord knows LaRue would have wanted it as well. Rest in peace grandma you are missed.

I need you at the dimming of the day

Confused.
Can't even discribe how I've been feeling lately.

The only things I feel like doing are eating, running, reading and singing.

I've rediscovered slippers.
Found an old pair and I'm wondering why I haven't been wearing them for the last few years. They are wonderous.

I need to get out of this house.
I'm getting irritable and restless. I need to explore. I miss taking pictures.

Tomorrow I'm going to see Dreamgirls with Tannah. It looks promising but lets hope we haven't built it up too much.

I can't even wait for New Years. Lots of good friends are gonna be there. See you all soon.

MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!

I figured it was time for some pictures again....so I chose a select few that are quite entertaining. This is Linny with her new coach bag from her friend Caitlyn from home and dad in his new San Diego Zoo apron and me in my shirt from somewhere that I can't remember right now in the mid west....presents from Grandma and Ned.
Here's the fam before the Seahawk/Charger game in our new attire sent to us by Aunt Holly.
Here's are cute tree and our stockings hanging from a shelf.

So this was our first Christmas in Pennsylvania because last year we flew to San Diego for the holidays. I must say it's been different but that's what I've loved about it. Everyone has there traditions and although we have certain things (like pjs on xmas eve) every year is a new surprise and that's what I love! Everyone enjoy your holidays and know that if I haven't seen your face recently I'm thinking of you because I miss all my family and friends terribly! SMILES :)

I've relied on my illusions to keep me warm at night

While you may think that the reason I haven't been writing is because I've been busy but oh contrary my friends. My life has been nothing but gift wrapping, eating, exercising, movies, and puzzles. I've barely left the house except for the occasional run with one of my doggies.

Drama....a five letter word that no matter how distant you are from a situation or how small the drama it can still find its way into your life. Amazing how that works.

I miss my friends.

It's relatively easy for me to slip back into the hermit ways I knew for so long till I moved out of the clouds. Though this is true I wish it weren't because I am happiest when I'm discovering new things/places/people. Next week I'll get out more.

This Christmas I'm approaching with a different attitude than last year. Last year was a transition. This year it's almost like home and I'm gonna take it for what it is.....a time with family since that rarely happens anymore. I'm luckier than most and I know it so I really have nothing to complain about.

Yesterday was winter solstice which makes me think of my brother. He now celebrates the winter solstice after abandoning his Mormon ways many years ago. Happy Winter Solstice brother.

I'm off to the new mall with my sister for some presents for the parents and who knows what else. If only I could drag my sister out of the house before 1 but that's not happening. \

Still waiting for that snow.
:P

MY SISTER COMES HOME TODAY!!

Enough said. :)

Singing = (:

First off this couple in this movie (The Devil Wears Prada) are possibly the cutest ever. I really should start watching Entourage so I can see more of Adrian Grenier and the Pivs is in that and I LOVE the Pivs.
There was a shopping extravaganza in the new SaconValley Mall today and my mother and I were the lead of it. I ran into Ashley in Sage where she told me she got a job and few weeks ago there and was still living in the cliffs. Just so all you cliff residents know there are still quite a few cars there surprisingly enough. So mum and I went over to the LVM afterwards and got stuck in traffic for a little over an hour..should have taken about 20 min. Instead of giving into the boredom and frustration...I popped Carrie Underwood in the Cd player and sang my little heart out with a smile (:
Since I've gotten home all I've wanted to do was take a hot tub, swim in my pool, or a long hot bath. Unfortunately all these things are just teasing me every time I walk by. Tannah suggested that I just stick my foot out but I'd like to share something with you all......I have the flexibility of a Rhino partially because I raked leaves forever and worked out yesterday. The muscles are tight.
So I'm off to start on this Christmas puzzle we got today. Oh the White family tradition of puzzles. But I will always have a White Christmas........now how many people can say that?
(actually quite a few but thank my dad for that wonderful 'dad' joke)

Learning to deal with questions that can't be answered

My dad is a leaf nazi.
You know how when parents ask you to do stuff you usually end up dreading it but in the end realize it's not so bad? Well that was the case with this....for awhile. I got some good thinking done that I probably would have suppressed until another time and it added to the exercise I'm attempting to get done this holiday season. Then after raking the entire side of the yard my dad straps on his little backpack and blows the beds down looking like a little boy ready to take off with his jet pack. So I had to further clean up the yard. Don't worry dad I'm always happy to help but I'm allowed a little complaining.
So I've been using this time for a little self discovery and sorting out thoughts. I have some friends that could never be in a relationship they didn't potentially see lasting forever. I used to think I was that way but I've come to find....I'm not. So I ask you this...is it OK to be in a relationship where both people have major doubts? Does what you could learn from each other out weigh the potential heartache and pain? My conclusion.....is that I think to damn much and what does it matter. This is now. I just want to have fun.
Justin Timberlake was on SNL last night! Too funny.
http://youtube.com/watch?v=bkKyn1Hpqs
Gotta love him.
Watching movies and eating and relaxing for the rest of the day.
LATER

Home for the Holidays

I'm officially home for a month. I'm starting to realize this is a good thing. I need some time to myself. My parents are having a holiday party for the people my dad works with tonight. The house looks beautiful! On the plus side if I get too bored I saw a bottle of Jack and some other liquors that could come in handy. It's always weird to come home to a house that was never really my home. I've spent a total of about 6 months in this house in my whole life...kinda weird. I'll post pictures tomorrow. Goal for the holiday: EXERCISE I've been neglecting that badly since I've been busy but now I no excuse. Don't worry people it's not because I think I'm fat I'm incredibly comfortable with my body. Anyways I'm looking forward to this time for sorting things out and exploring new places around here. Can't wait for my lil sis to come on Tues. Best of luck to all you north westerners who are struggling with no power and strong winds. It'd be cool to see some snow here soon. Nothing like flurries to make a girl smile. Ok I'm done with the corniness. Friends if you are trying to call my phone realize that it's really shitty and I get no reception in these woods. Try other ways of contacting me. Happy Holidays everyone!

gotta love paychecks

So I went to withdraw some money for my yearbook dinner last night and although I had recently transferred some of my savings into my checking account I knew I was at about 400 bucks. I got the recite and it said 800 dollars. Later that night I found out we had recieved our paychecks for yearbook this semester. I am extatic right now that I get 400 bucks for putting together this yearbook which does take up a lot of time but I enjoy doing it. What a life, seriously. I should be studying for art history and bio right now but my mind is not in study mode. I'm gonna work on forcing motivation upon myself right now.
You make me :)

Holidays, dogs, and tattoos

This was the cutest movie I've seen in a long time. I loved it. So many cute moments between people whether it was father/daughter, woman/little old man. So worth watching I can't wait to see it again. We even got to eat Taco Bell after it was a good night.
Look at that face. I woke up this morning and walked down the stairs and that cute little face was staring at me. I swore I was in the wrong house for those few seconds it was just me and the dog but this would have been difficult since I wasn't drinking last night and I know I went to sleep in my own bed. Then Jen came around the corner and explained it was her friends dog, Roxy. So I decided to watch her and she crawled under my bed and curled up and ever once in awhile made a whine just to remind me that she was there and needed some attention. She's here till 4 and I must say it's making me miss my puppies so I'm glad I'm going home in a few hours to do laundry and see my pups.
This is my new tattoo. It's the OM symbol and it hurt and I love it. I'm only sad that I can't wear my new heals tonight to the yearbook dinner. Shame.Well I'm excited for this week because I only have two finals and I'm sad to say see ya later to some people but at least I'll see them again. Enjoy your finals week all.